I am 46 years old.

In 2008 I was on a CBC talent search competition called, "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" An old theatre school classmate made me a Wikipedia page at the time because of how famous I was*. She put my birth year as 10 years later than it actually is (1988 instead of 1978) because she didn't want people to know how old she was and figured they'd deduce her age by her association with me. It was bizarre to me, but kinda funny, and I left it there (mostly because I didn't know how to make Wikipedia edits). 

Anyway, I don't have a Wikipedia page anymore and I am now 46 (in Wikipedia years that's 36). Aside from some weird perimenopause symptoms, like hating bras and stupid questions, I feel very into myself at this age. I am comfortable in my body and have confidence in my opinions. It's a work-in-progress, but I'm truly learning what I authentically want and feel without being swayed by all my early life training in compliance. 

It's feckin' great. 

Tell people how old you are if you want. It's fine. Also eat some cookies.

*not even a little bit famous

On not looking at myself in the mirror at the gym.

I started going to the gym again, motivated partially by a new personal wellness benefit at work (bless). Because I'm older and because I've done a lot of work at breaking down my relationship with my body and not being so concerned with the male gaze, and having a healthier relationship with food, I feel SO. FREE. in my Body Pump class because I DO NOT LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR or, when I do, it's not with any sort of judgement. Also missing is counting calories. To be at the gym purely to gain strength and mobility, maintain mental health, and straight up feel good is a joy. And it took time to get here. 

I love it here. 

It's the best. 

Highlights of 2023

• Hokay, so the two successful surgeries Dad had need to be at the top of the list. He's currently recovering from the second one, but all is well and it's a big relief. 
• Our family trip to Victoria to visit with Tante Christine, Uncle Bob and Caleb was fabulous. We even got to see Jess, Rowyn and Devery!
• Starting meds for anxiety has changed my life. Weird how I (a tiny bit) miss the motivation shame, hyper-vigilance and utter dread gave me, but now I'm just motivated by actually, like, enjoying life? Which is great? 
• While Phil and I didn't get away just us this year, we do have a very busy January planned for us with two nights away just the two of us, and a Milk Carton Kids concert. The funs!
• I started a women's a cappella group this year! We're named Diva Forte. Look for us in 2024. I have so enjoyed my time with Jen, Erin and Anna, singing in harmony and laughing lots and definitely drinking some wine.
• Speaking of fun friend groups, I love my gals in my Mom Squad and of course, always and forever, House 2. I also have had such special times with Kate this year, often with our boys but sometimes just us, and I got to visit with Siobhan too, who was home from Senegal. Next week I get to have dins with Kristy. 
• Omg Felix got into the school play! He'll be playing Phinneous Trout in Wonka Junior this spring.
• Rem played in the volleyball tournament again this year, and he rocked it. He's a real asset to his team.
• Both boys got to rock out at the spring concert that their fab guitar/bass teacher held, and Rem got to rock out again at the fall one (Flix got the 'vid unfortunately).
• Speaking of the 'vid, all four of us got flu and Covid shots this morning. BAM!
• Robin and I got to have lots of fun trips to Windsor to visit Jennifer and Shelina. Windsor is my fun getaway spot and I'm not mad about it.
• Speaking of Essex (is Point Pelee in Essex? anyway) Kate and I and the boys had a weekend in an Otentik in Point Pelee. Lots of bugs but lovely weather and such fun swimming in the ocean. Kate and Rhys introduced us to Telestrations which I think is now officially my favourite game.
• I love my job at MEDA!
• Sheldon is a highlight of every day. The sweetest muffin of a dawg who is happy to see us always.
• I read a lot of books this year. My meds make focusing easier in some ways? So I get distracted while reading less. I guess it's the lack of hyper-vigilance really. Doppelganger by Naomi Klein is a must-read. Also enjoyed Little Monsters, I'll Show Myself Out, How to Keep House While Drowning, both of Aubrey Gordon's books and Fireworks Every Night. In the middle of the excellent Rehearsals for Living. 
• We got to have some fun cottage times with family this year. Not this Christmas, because it's just super wet and would be a whole lotta just trying to get the dawg from tracking mud on the carpet.
• Mom has been taking care of Dad like a champ and of course keeping us well-fed with treats year-round, and mostly on our birthdays (she always takes requests).
• There's definitely more stuff but I'm gonna go to the library before it closes okay byeee

Stuff I love these days.

• Listening to Maintenance Phase podcast
• Sketching stuff
• Growing amaryllises
• Singing with my a cappella group
• Drinking Bread & Butter cab sauv
• Reading all the books (Naomi Klein's Doppelganger being a recent absolute favourite)
• Eating excellent food with fabulous humans
• Trail walks with my dawg
• Unscheduled weekends with the fam
• Drinking coffee by the Christmas tree
• Reading my old diaries
• Dreaming of future travel 
• Wearing bright, red lipstick

It's weird I have a blog.

 Maybe I will post things in it again?