Dear Alison of the Future,
So, you've decided to get pregnant again. Or maybe like the first time around, it wasn't so much a decision as a pleasant surprise. Mazel tov!
I am currently enjoying my 32nd week of my first pregnancy, and I thought I'd write you a letter of advice to help you
through the next 40 weeks or so, in case you've forgotten what pregnancy
is like. No need to thank me. I'm really doing this more for me than for you. Enjoy.
Don't have heartburn?
You will. Keep them by your bedside; in your purse; stuffed in your
bra. Eat them three at a time. Buy the special "Smoothies" version,
because you deserve it! Which brings me to my next point...
Don't forget to use the
pregnancy card all the time. You can't drink, you feel fat, you have to
do a 5 point turn to get out of bed in the morning, so for goodness
sake take advantage where you can. "Would
you like my seat, ma'am?" DAMN RIGHT YOU WOULD!
Having a meltdown in a
Timothy's washroom because it's a hot day and you didn't wear a
sundress, and those pants you wore instead caused you to overheat? This
is TOTALLY VALID! You're really smart and not at all irrational!
You need to trust
your body to tell you what it needs, which means when it tells you to
finish that half a tub of French Vanilla ice cream in the freezer, the baby obviously really
needs calcium, so stop being selfish and feed your poor, starving fetus already!
You're probably in your first trimester right now, and you probably want to sleep constantly and you feel bad because you also want to get lots of things done. THIS WILL BE OVER SOON. Around week 14 you'll go back to only needing 8 hours of sleep a night. You won't get this sleep because you'll have a toddler to take care of, but hey, don't blame me. You were the one who decided to have another kid.
6. YOU WILL BE WADDLING BY ABOUT WEEK 30
Try to enjoy walking like a normal person for the first 3/4 of your pregnancy, because after that you're going to be grunting and waddling like a 300 lb 105-year-old asthmathic.
7. MAKE SURE YOUR HUSBAND IS THERE TO HELP YOU OUT OF THE BATHTUB
Oh man, do baths feel great. Warm baths soothe your sore muscles; cool baths make those humid days tolerable. At some point, though, you're going to lie down and find out it's not so easy to get back up again. At the start of your third trimester, wait till Phil comes home from work before you get settled in. Either that, or invest in one of these:
Try not to be ambitious. Getting to work, working all day and getting home from work = 3 things! That's a lot! On days where you have lots of energy, you may also try making dinner and doing dishes. Some days you may add working out in the morning and picking up groceries after work. Then, one day when you're feeling insane, you'll also get together with friends later on in the evening. And for three days after that very busy day, you will do nothing but lie in the bathtub and demand foot rubs from your husband. That's okay, just be aware that you're going to lose three days.
9. REMEMBER TO DO AND EAT THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME
Awesome foods include fresh fruit, ice cream, cheese, gelato, smoothies and chocolate. Awesome things to do include yoga, swimming, having bubble baths, and playing the pregnancy card to get out of things you don't feel like doing, such as helping put the dock in at the cottage on May 24 weekend, and getting up in the morning.
Sure, the mirror may tell you otherwise, but pregnant women are supposed to be glowing and beautiful, so you probably are even if you can't see it with your eyes. Go ahead and assume you don't look as tired and sweaty as you think you do. Oh, and never take your new-found cleavage for granted.
That's all I've got for now. I still have 8 weeks to go, so what the heck do I know? If I learn anything else before mid-August, I'll let you know. I wish you many delicious 2am snacks of soda crackers and gingerale. All the best!
Love,
Alison of the Past
