Alison Jutzi Talks Amongst Herself

I am 40 weeks and counting now, so I've almost reached the finish line of my first pregnancy.  Whew.  Soon life will finally go back to normal.  I love making statements like that.  It gives people the opportunity to say things like, "Life will never be normal again!" and "Just you wait, you don't even know what you're getting into!" and "Hey, that's my chocolate cake, just 'cause you finished yours doesn't mean you can start eating off my plate, fatty!"  Er, maybe that last one doesn't apply. But, y'know?  For all the warnings I got about how much unsolicited advice I'd receive, and how many strangers would touch my belly without asking, and what inappropriately terrifying labour stories people would share with me during my pregnancy, I've really had very little of any of that.  And, frankly, I'm a little disappointed.  Here I was, all ready to be righteous and indignant and say things like, "...

I have now read every book ever written on pregnancy and parenting, which means that I know everything.   Everything . And until the baby comes and I discover I actually know nothing, I'm really enjoying being smug and having lots of ideas and opinions of how things will go in our first few months with Baby Sullivan.  I don't know how much time I have before the Big Day, so before I go into labour and completely lose my sense of humour for three to twelve weeks I thought I'd debunk some common myths about parenting.  1. SLEEP IS A THING OF THE PAST Um, I don't think so.  I need  my eight hours, okay? My husband and I have it all figured out. He will get up with the baby, change the baby, gently rock the baby, bring the baby to me, nestle the baby next to me in bed where I will breast feed in my sleep (I believe this is called the "dream feed"?), after which my husband will burp the baby and return said baby to his/her bassinet until the next fee...