Alison Jutzi Talks Amongst Herself

In case anyone needs Christmas gift ideas for Remy, I had him compile a list of his most-desired items: A box of Kleenex Mommy's cosmetics case Daddy's glasses The remote control for the television The remote control for the TiVo The remote control for the VCR Chips of drywall from the baseboard in the nursery Anything from a garbage can Toilet water Whatever you're holding right now The thing you just took away from me An empty diaper box Mommy's cell phone Daddy's cell phone Anything that is in a cupboard Autonomy

I am 28 weeks into my second pregnancy.  I am irritable and emotional and highly sensitive and forgetful and klutzy and tired and I would like a bottle of bold red wine, please.  The first time around had its charm because it was new! Exciting! Look what my body can do! This time around just feels long...and I haven't even hit the hard part yet.   I have broken a lot of things recently, due to my general clumsiness and lack of spatial awareness: our glass coffee table, a teapot, a glass, some salad tongs, and the coffee pot - before I had made coffee that morning.  There were tears.  It is very frustrating not to be able to trust yourself to keep things unbroken.  Almost as frustrating as it is to try to explain why you're crying when you just are.  Just because.  Hormones.  Whatever.   It makes sense that pregnancy number two would be harder.  As a friend of mine said, "Your body had 33 years to prepare for the first pregn...

There are two ways to store your Tupperware (by which I of course mean Zellers-brand plastic containers and old margarine tubs):  Separate the bowls and lids, and stack them in such a way that maximizes the space available, so that you have as little air as possible taking up room in your Tupperware drawer; Keep the lids on and stack them one on top of the other. The first way seems like the smart way, which is why most people choose it.  "I'm being efficient with space!  Look how much stuff I can fit in here when I use my mad Tetris skills!" and that's all fine and dandy, until you actually need to put away the leftover pasta and then you're all, "Where is the effing lid?  Why can't I find the effing lid?  STOP TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN" I choose the second option because I don't need to be able to fit millions of plastic containers into one spot; I just need about 10 of them, and I need to not have to sift through 18 lids trying to fi...

3 minutes in:   Really, Jennifer Lopez? You're being artificially inseminated and you're concerned that the doctor is going to be offended by your chipped nail polish? Is that really how you feel? Also, really? You wore fake eyelashes to this appointment? 4 minutes: Really? I'm hearing a voice inside your head saying, "Oh, I hope this works. I've wanted this for so long. Maybe this isn't how I pictured it, exactly." Really? Did that need to be written? Can't we just assume it? 4 minutes: Oh good, you have a quirky best friend who squawks at you about how horrible her four kids are, and how damaged her goods are and how that should therefore mean you shouldn't have kids of your own. This is getting worse by the second. 5 minutes: Ugh, did we just do a flashback to your male friend doing a spit-take when you asked him to be your baby-daddy? And then did he ask if you were out of your mind, and screech about how he's in his sexual prime, in...

Ten years ago (ten of them!) Renée Strasfeld and I were sharing a dressing room at the St. Lawrence Centre, getting ready for a performance of Free to Be...You and Me directed by Michael Rubinoff, and she said I just had to listen to this awesome song from The Last Five Years  by Jason Robert Brown, which includes a woman singing her subtext while doing a musical theatre audition. I loved the song, then loved the show, then desperately wanted to do the show, and last year the wonderful Kate Stevenson gave me that opportunity.  My castmate, John Boag, who's voice is like butter but even better (so maybe like butter mixed with brown sugar and then Tina Fey serves it to you in a chocolate bowl?) made an audio recording of one of our performances, and I've posted a few of the numbers on my website . Here is a link to my performance of  "Climbing Uphill" , the number that Renée played for me that day in 2003.  As much as I loved it then, it really res...

I'm a mom. These are my secrets. 1. I am afraid all the time . I have so much to lose now. 2. For awhile, in an attempt to lose my remaining pregnancy weight, I was eating Lean Cuisine and trying to stick to 1200 calories a day (no, not while breast-feeding, you don't have to report me to the authorities). If you can't picture what 1200 calories a day looks like, here is a sample menu: Breakfast: 1 rice cake. Lunch: Air soup with dust sprinkled on top, and if you're really hungry you can throw in a mint leaf, but just a small one (THINK OF THE CALORIES). Dinner: One frozen chicken breast with a garnish of boiled broccoli (the low-fat kind). AND THEN TAKE A SLEEPING PILL SO YOU'LL PASS OUT SO YOU WON'T SNACK BECAUSE SNACKING AFTER 7PM IS THE WORST. So that was great for awhile and I really saw results, but mostly those results were me being really hungry all the time. Now I am okay with taking the weight loss reeeeally slowly. Food is d...