Alison Jutzi Talks Amongst Herself

Dear New Subway Train Rocket, My God, you're gorgeous! With your antimicrobial surface treatment and your electronic maps and your 10% more capacity and your $1,000,000,000.00 price tag. I just have one question: WHEN WILL YOU LET ME RIDE YOU? The other day you slowed down and stopped as I waited anxiously on the southbound platform at Eglinton, only to chug along down the track as a TTC employee informed me you were being used for driver training only that day. My hopes of losing my Rocket virginty were cruelly dashed, and not for the first time either. Is it because I'm married? Is that what's scaring you off? Because, just to be clear, my husband is in full support of this. Let's make it happen, Rocket. You have only to open your doors to me. Love, Alison

Big news, folks. I am making the colossal yet inevitable move from comedic folk to comedic roots. Yep, it's a big move, but one I think I'm ready for. Chelsea Manders and I are starting a comedic roots trio which will parody groups like "The Dixie Chicks", "The Good Lovelies", "The Wailing Jennies" and "The Be Good Tanyas", and we're looking for a name. Can you help? Our current front-runner is "The Do Good Fannies", but we think someone out there will have an even better idea. Please leave a comment here with your suggestion. A prize will be awarded to the winner! Thanks so much! Alison

1. Our large audiences, even on opening night when nobody knew anything about us; 2. The musty-smelling church basement where we all gather for cabaret nights and $3 beer; 3. Club Paradiso, our awesome venue that sometimes feeds us tacos; 4. Karaoke at the Shamrock Hotel with the other artists, especially when we end the night with a group sing-a-long of Don't Stop Believin' ; 5. Our fabulous billeters who make us salmon and lend us their Acura; 6. The brilliant shows we've seen while here, including Oneymoon , Spitting in the Face of the Devil, Houdini's Last Escape, Slut Revolution and When Harry Met Harry. 7. Trips to Banff and Drumheller on our three consecutive days off. I am having a blast, and would love to stay longer, if I didn't miss this guy so much:

A song I wrote for Philip in honour of our wedding...

How does a person think of a really sexist idea for an ad, and then present it to a bunch of people in a board room without any of them pointing out that it's outrageously sexist, and how is it subsequently presented to the client who has hired them to create the ad without anyone in that boardroom saying, "Wait a second, everyone, don't you think maybe this is a bit yucky? No, nobody? Okay, cool. Pass the sandwiches. Ooh, is that olive tapenade?"

Hi folks, What are you doing on Monday, July 25th at 7pm? PROBABLY COMING TO THE ANNEX LIVE TO SEE THE ONE TORONTO PERFORMANCE OF MY CALGARY FRINGE SHOW, RIGHT? This show is funny and silly, and I think you'll really like it. Check out the lovely work of my husband and poster designer:

Oh goodness, posting about another show, aren't I just a bit self-promotey these days? Well, the good news is all the shows I tell you about are probably going to be funny and awesome. I promise never to invite you to a taping of me as a Metro supermarket spokesperson. I will be the musical guest at Helder Brum & Friends at Bread and Circus on Thursday, July 21st. What am I doing wasting all this energy typing? I could just show you the poster: These shows are so much fun - you have to come! Bread and Circus is a great venue and the performers are some of the best that the Toronto comedy scene has to offer. Hope to see you there! aj

Oh, hello, hi. So I'm sitting here in my pretty dress which I wore to Hugh Jackman's wonderful show, watching an old GSP fight on the TiVo because Phil turned it on and then left the room, and I thought I would say hello, hi, how are you, and let you know what I've been working on. I and my friend Chelsea are busily gearing up for our Calgary Fringe show, Folk With Benefits , which will run from July 29th to August 6th. If you live in the Calgary area, we'd love to see you there. If you live in Toronto, we'd love to see you pay $672 to come see us, and we promise we'll give you at least one free beer. Let me tell you a little bit about our show. It's about two comedic folk songstresses on the last leg of their cross-Canada tour. It's funny, quirky and dirty, and you will love it. Seriously, totally worth the $672. Check out our website ! Not to brag, but I made it myself and hardly cried at all when I was trying to figure out how to publish it. N...

Hello, reader(s). In a new collection of essays entitled What I Have Learned About Marriage I will explore my journey throughout this new and exciting chapter in my life, detailing what I have learned along the way. Age of marriage: 1 Month Here it is, just over one month after Philip and I tied the knot at Toronto's Berkeley Church on April 30th, 2011. Here is what I have learned: Marriage is super fun! It involves lots of drinking and partying and people giving you copious amounts of cash in envelopes! Marriage involves renting an apartment in Lisbon when the weather is perfect, and having the time of your life. Marriage means you have leftover cake in your freezer that you will probably eat on your and your new huzzzband's birthdays this month. Marriage ensures that your fridge is well-stocked with all the beer that couldn't be returned to the beer store. I don't know why people say marriage is work. I think it's all just a big party. WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO...

People and the internet tell you that your wedding day should be the best day of your life . Leading up to my April 30th wedding, I hated the pressure to HAVE AN AMAZING TIME OH MY GOD and couldn't fathom how it could possibly work out that way. This day? This one day that involves so much planning and fretting and waking up in the middle of the night worrying that your guests will starve or that you're accidentally going to forget you're wearing your old backpack as you walk down the aisle*? This is going to be that day? That day that is better than any other? No way. That is unrealistic and a bit insane. There were many moments of the wedding planning process that I thoroughly enjoyed. These included making strawberry-rhubarb jam with Phil and my mom to give as wedding favours; wedding dress shopping; my bachelorette and shower; all the free cake at all those wedding shows. See? There were a lot of positive things about wedding planning. But mostly it stressed me out. It...

Our friends Pam and Kelly got married this past fall. They have a lot of friends who sing, which is mostly Pam's fault because she's a musical-theatre person, so they couldn't pick just one or two people to perform at their wedding. In the end, they decided to host a concert a month before the wedding (because, really, the worst thing about being a bride is that moment when you realize you don't have enough things TO DO on your TO DO lists that you keep making and then keep losing, and anyway they're all kind of useless because you totally forgot to put, like, FIVE REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS on there anyway, and so to remedy this sometimes you will HOST A HUGE CONCERT in order to calm your nerves and give yourself something TO DO to alleviate all the boredom of PLANNING A WEDDING). Well, anyway, that's what Pam and Kelly did. And my hat is very extremely OFF to them for being so ambitious. It was a fabulous evening with many wonderful voices, and I was quite please...

The BMO commercial I shot a couple of months ago is now airing. Please note that my husband is Paul Lee of Train 48 fame. Also, I inherited that purse from my Wiser's commercial which should also be airing soon. Am I going to be typecast as "lady with silver purse"?

I admit it, I've been cheating. We've been to several functions recently - parties, industry events, dinners with future in-laws - and I may have had some red wine here and there, and perhaps some wheat pasta, and maybe some delicious homemade trifle. BUT I have mostly not been cheating, and I feel really good, and want to continue with the detox next week (sort of) while allowing myself some fruit and cheat days, which I REFUSE to feel guilty about. A few months ago when I tried on the fancy dress I bought in London with my "Maria" per diem, the one I'd spent good money having tailored to fit me just right , I could barely sausage myself into it. Seriously, it took me and Phil working together to make it happen, and we almost had to abort the mission. Last night before the Geminis I slipped into it quite comfortably, and even had room to spare. Good changes are happening. I'm eating more vegetables. Turns out I kind of like raw broccoli. Also, I'm making...

Yesterday I appeared on the Ellen show for the first time. Click here to see my debut. :) In other news, I auditioned for a Ford commercial last week, which is shooting today. I did not book it as it turns out, which might be a good thing. The bitter irony of saying "I love my new Ford" today would be more than I can take.

Day 7 - I wake up and happily go to the gym for an hour. I am sleeping deeply and feel great when I wake up. In the middle of the afternoon we are out and I haven't eaten enough, so I buy an apple and some seeds and nuts at a grocery store to get me through till dinner. We meet friends for dinner and I order salmon with rice and veggies, and just drink water. I am craving gingerale, but other than that I'm quite happy. Day 8 - I've slept well again, and get out of bed quite easily (even though it's a work day). Am continuing to enjoy my hot lemon drink, like every other morning since I started the detox. Try some cocoa-flavoured Quinoa cereal, but find it's way too sweet so I don't think it's a good cleanse food. Found I was hungry as soon as I got to work, so I need to have an egg or some pumpkin butter for breakfast instead. (Speaking of which, pumpkin butter is fantastic, no matter what the colour and texture may remind you of). Lunch is cottage cheese,...

Dear Dr. Joshi, I'm back! Phil and I decided to do your detox again because we really enjoyed its benefits last time (weight loss, greatly improved stomach issues, general feeling of healthiness). Recently we'd both been complaining about our bad eating habits, and our respective struggles with the scale, so this is our attempt to get back on track. THE BAD This time around I felt extremely lethargic during the first few days of the cleanse, and still do. I sleep so deeply that it's hard to get up in the morning. The first two days especially I felt very warm and uncomfortable, which I imagine to be a symptom of my body detoxifying itself. Last night I was feeling a lot of negative energy building up in me, and I wonder if this is all related to detoxing. THE GOOD I've noticed a real change in my appetite since days 1 and 2. The first couple of days, I was feeling a bit desperate about food. I noticed all the times in the day where I would have had a sugar fix (brown ...

At one of the many wedding shows Phil and I have attended this year, we were fortunate enough to win a free engagement shoot with Daniela Foster photography . We met up with Daniela a few weeks ago on what turned out to be a beautiful fall day, and we roamed from St. Lawrence Market to the Sky Dome for a couple of hours. Daniela just sent me a few teaser pics, so I thought I'd post some of them here. We had a lovely time with her, and are very happy with the photos. If you're looking for a wedding photographer, you should definitely check her out!

Dear Blog, Sorry I've been neglecting you lately. The thing is, I've been having a really fun summer so I haven't been internetting as much as usual. What have I been doing? Oh, this and that. Like... This: And that: And playing this: And hanging out with this one: And looking for one of these: And I just shot a commercial for Wiser's which will be a lot like this: Anyway, Blog, I'm sure you'll understand if I prioritize jumping in lakes and dining with friends for a bit. I predict I'll want to soak up this fine, albeit muggy, weather for the next little while and won't be visiting you again until the fall. Do take care of yourself, and I look forward to our continued relationship in the coming months. Yours Truly, Alison Jutzi

Dear Ireland, What's with you being so gorgeous, with your rolling hills of patchwork-quilt countryside and your rocky shores and your beautiful and historic castles, churches and forts? Also, what's with all your friendly people with their charming and melodic accents? What's that all about? And another thing, what's the story with all the sheep that I took all those pictures of, especially the ones that were in the middle of the road and wouldn't let the car go by, giving me the satisfaction of an authentically Irish experience. What is the deal? But most of all, Ireland: WHAT'S WITH YOUR WEATHER? I packed my sexy new rainboots and only wore them that one day in Howth because it was sunny and warm the rest of the time. What is with that? When did you suddenly get better weather than Cuba? It might have been nice if you'd warned me so I could've packed more bikinis and fewer wool socks. But I will forgive you, because you showed me a really good time. L...

Did I ever tell you that I sometimes work as a mascot? I started dressing up as a certain bear for a certain bank several years ago, and continue to do the odd gig to this day (odd being the operative word). The first thing I remember noticing about life inside the bear costume is that people really treat you differently when you're dressed as a big cuddly animal, and I mean this in both a good and bad way. Little kids generally like me WAY more when I'm in costume. Then there are those jerk kids who just want to punch me and pull my arms off 'cause "YOU'RE NOT REAL! I CAN TELL!". And of course there are the adults who are repulsed by me and the security guards who I can tell might not stick up for me if someone tries to punch me out. Last weekend I did a mascot gig in Dundas Square, where there were bands performing. One band member got on the microphone and invited everyone to kick me in the ribs. Perhaps he doesn't like the bank my costume r...

Yesterday I was waiting for my mushroom and onion burger at Fresh, slowly getting the feeling back in the upper left part of my mouth after just having come from the dentist, when Phil called me with some very exciting news: The Dora nominations had just been announced, and the show I recently did at Soulpepper has been nominated in three categories! They are: Outsanding Musical Direction (the incomparable Marek Norman), Outstanding Original Choreography (the magnificent Candace Jennings) and Outstanding Performance in a Featured Role/Ensemble - the whole cast! I really enjoyed the Doras last year, and it will be even more exciting to attend this year as a nominee! We've got a very busy June planned, including a trip to Ireland, but fortunately we'll be around for the awards ceremony on June 28th. It will be a lovely excuse to reunite with my cast members. Here is a link to a list of all the nominees.

We were recently in Guelph to celebrate my niece Eden's first birthday. Phil and I got a few nice shots of the event, but I'll just post my favourite one. I think all things in life should be approached with this attitude: "Wheeee birthday yay!!!" (although with Eden's limited vocabulary it sounded more like, "Wow! Yeah! Hi!")

Kristy's Great Idea by Ann M. Martin This is the first (of 132, as of this month) in the Babysitter's Club series, which I started reading when I was 11 years old. I don't recognize any titles after the 50-book mark, so I guess I was too busy being an awkward high school student to follow the trials of Kristy, Claudia, Mary Anne, Stacey and the others past 1992. I ate this book up, much the same way I devoured four seasons of Sex and the City on DVD when I was bored for those two months in the winter of 2004. They are both giant chocolate-bars-with-caramel-inside for the brain. The plot: Kristy gathers her three friends who all have different but complementary personalities and, more importantly, varied hair colours and styles, to form a club of babysitters (a "babysitter's club", if you will) which gathers weekly to schedule babysitting appointments for their neighbours, all of whom somehow remember to call during their club meeting hours. The main charac...

Dear shoes, Why do I have so many of you? I thought I was a low-maintenance person, but when I see you, my vast collection of footwear, I am forced to consider that the opposite may be true. A lot of you are in storage. I've only kept in the front hall those of you that are essential to my every-day life at this moment (no disrespect, comfy brown winter boots with the pom-poms). Still, you are so many in number. Why? I know why you're there, silver pointy-toed flats. You are new and shiny and hip, and even comfortable (thanks, Soft Moc). White sandal pumps from Payless, I remember I bought you on a whim one day when I needed open-toed shoes to take to a pedicure appointment, and you have turned out to be one of my most-worn pair of summer shoes. Thanks for that. Turquoise high-heeled sandals from Rockport. My love for you is real. You make me feel like I'm walking on air, and though I didn't wear you as much as I meant to last season, 2010 is sure to be your year. Prett...

Recently I was doing a musical here in Toronto, and I developed a cold in my final week of the run. Colds and flus make performing way less fun than it should be, but there are ways to deal with them - and deal with them we must! Here's how I get through the inevitability of getting sick while doing a run: 1. Sleep This goes in the "duh" category. You know that sleep is important at all times, but especially when your body is trying to heal, right? So try to get as much sleep as possible before each show. If you need help with that, I would like to introduce you to my friends Neo Citran and NyQuil. 2. Oil of Oregano Buy some oil of oregano (a natural antiobiotic) at the local health food store (or even some Shoppers Drugmart locations) and take 4 drops, three times a day. You can just put it under your tongue, or have it with water or juice. It does wonders for me. 3. Drink water. When I'm sick, I make sure to have water bottles strategically placed in several places ...

Phil and I are celebrating our pre-nniversary tonight (we're getting married a year from today) and so I thought I'd post a link* to this video of us looking for songs for our wedding playlist. The quality of the video is low, but our spirits are high! (mostly due to the wine we'd consumed before recording.) * I tried to embed the video, but it ended up cutting off half the screen. Like, what's with that?

Please enjoy this video, which clearly demonstrates how NOT to be a generous actor. I desperately want to know the back-story. Was the person in the tiger costume recast from a lead role? Did he or she just have a falling out with the director? Or is this the work of a very imaginative choreographer?

"I lost a pom pom, do we have any extras?" Actor: "What's my next scene!" Dresser: "I don't know!" "Has anyone seen my frilly red underwear?" "I shouldn't have had that falafel before the show." "Sorry!" (usually following a collision as actors rush to make entrances) "Greg, that dress looks great on you. I love the sparkles." "I have to make a gunshot noise but I CAN'T FIND MY DRUMSTICK!" "Crap, the curtain's busted." "Someone tell stage management the curtain's busted." "Does stage management know the curtain's busted?" Actor: "Just so you know, the curtain's busted." SM: "Yes, WE KNOW, THANK YOU. We'll fix it at intermission." "How can I make myself pop out of this corset a little more?" Actor 1:"I feel like I'm getting a bit of a sore throat" Actor 2:"Don't touch me" "Someone...

Last week I was thrilled to have my first opening night at Soulpepper Theatre Company here in Toronto. The show runs for three more weeks, and tickets can be found here . If you'd like a sneak peek, here are some behind-the-scenes videos from the Soulpepper website: