Alison Jutzi Talks Amongst Herself

3 minutes in:   Really, Jennifer Lopez? You're being artificially inseminated and you're concerned that the doctor is going to be offended by your chipped nail polish? Is that really how you feel? Also, really? You wore fake eyelashes to this appointment? 4 minutes: Really? I'm hearing a voice inside your head saying, "Oh, I hope this works. I've wanted this for so long. Maybe this isn't how I pictured it, exactly." Really? Did that need to be written? Can't we just assume it? 4 minutes: Oh good, you have a quirky best friend who squawks at you about how horrible her four kids are, and how damaged her goods are and how that should therefore mean you shouldn't have kids of your own. This is getting worse by the second. 5 minutes: Ugh, did we just do a flashback to your male friend doing a spit-take when you asked him to be your baby-daddy? And then did he ask if you were out of your mind, and screech about how he's in his sexual prime, in...

Ten years ago (ten of them!) Renée Strasfeld and I were sharing a dressing room at the St. Lawrence Centre, getting ready for a performance of Free to Be...You and Me directed by Michael Rubinoff, and she said I just had to listen to this awesome song from The Last Five Years  by Jason Robert Brown, which includes a woman singing her subtext while doing a musical theatre audition. I loved the song, then loved the show, then desperately wanted to do the show, and last year the wonderful Kate Stevenson gave me that opportunity.  My castmate, John Boag, who's voice is like butter but even better (so maybe like butter mixed with brown sugar and then Tina Fey serves it to you in a chocolate bowl?) made an audio recording of one of our performances, and I've posted a few of the numbers on my website . Here is a link to my performance of  "Climbing Uphill" , the number that Renée played for me that day in 2003.  As much as I loved it then, it really res...

I'm a mom. These are my secrets. 1. I am afraid all the time . I have so much to lose now. 2. For awhile, in an attempt to lose my remaining pregnancy weight, I was eating Lean Cuisine and trying to stick to 1200 calories a day (no, not while breast-feeding, you don't have to report me to the authorities). If you can't picture what 1200 calories a day looks like, here is a sample menu: Breakfast: 1 rice cake. Lunch: Air soup with dust sprinkled on top, and if you're really hungry you can throw in a mint leaf, but just a small one (THINK OF THE CALORIES). Dinner: One frozen chicken breast with a garnish of boiled broccoli (the low-fat kind). AND THEN TAKE A SLEEPING PILL SO YOU'LL PASS OUT SO YOU WON'T SNACK BECAUSE SNACKING AFTER 7PM IS THE WORST. So that was great for awhile and I really saw results, but mostly those results were me being really hungry all the time. Now I am okay with taking the weight loss reeeeally slowly. Food is d...

The baby is here! The baby is here! Here is a quick re-cap of that time in August when our son came into the world: Was induced August 20th, 2012. Fabulous experience. Epidurals are the new awesome. Gave birth to a beautiful son, Remy Owen Jutzi Sullivan! 7lbs, 13 oz. My hubby and the doctor were great at helping me get the baby to be on the outside of my body. Felt amazed when Remy was born, as though it were a dream. Sent my dad to get McDonalds an hour after the birth. Really needed a Filet o' Fish. Remy was alert right from the get-go, and everyone agreed he was a mini-Phil. Well into the next morning, still wondered if it was all a dream from which I was about to be awoken and told, "You're still 4 centimetres." We're still learning, and we're still tired, but overall Phil and I are feeling pretty darn good in our new parenting roles.  Here are my thoughts at the 7-week mark: Not Being Pregnant is GREAT In my final months of preg...

I am 40 weeks and counting now, so I've almost reached the finish line of my first pregnancy.  Whew.  Soon life will finally go back to normal.  I love making statements like that.  It gives people the opportunity to say things like, "Life will never be normal again!" and "Just you wait, you don't even know what you're getting into!" and "Hey, that's my chocolate cake, just 'cause you finished yours doesn't mean you can start eating off my plate, fatty!"  Er, maybe that last one doesn't apply. But, y'know?  For all the warnings I got about how much unsolicited advice I'd receive, and how many strangers would touch my belly without asking, and what inappropriately terrifying labour stories people would share with me during my pregnancy, I've really had very little of any of that.  And, frankly, I'm a little disappointed.  Here I was, all ready to be righteous and indignant and say things like, "...

I have now read every book ever written on pregnancy and parenting, which means that I know everything.   Everything . And until the baby comes and I discover I actually know nothing, I'm really enjoying being smug and having lots of ideas and opinions of how things will go in our first few months with Baby Sullivan.  I don't know how much time I have before the Big Day, so before I go into labour and completely lose my sense of humour for three to twelve weeks I thought I'd debunk some common myths about parenting.  1. SLEEP IS A THING OF THE PAST Um, I don't think so.  I need  my eight hours, okay? My husband and I have it all figured out. He will get up with the baby, change the baby, gently rock the baby, bring the baby to me, nestle the baby next to me in bed where I will breast feed in my sleep (I believe this is called the "dream feed"?), after which my husband will burp the baby and return said baby to his/her bassinet until the next fee...