I didn't save up enough sleep.

I can't say I wasn't warned.

Everyone told me to  sleep while I could in preparation for parenthood. And I thought I had slept enough. I diligently stayed in bed an additional hour whenever I could and stored the extra sleep in Mason jars in our bedroom closet.

But, guys? I ran out. I didn't think I'd need this much. Felix isn't the expert sleeper Remy was (and I say was because Remy, the sleep-through-the-night-at-five-months baby, magically transformed into a Crappy McNosleeps about six months ago) so it's been awhile since I went to sleep on one day and woke up at least six hours into the next one. 

Sometimes I daydream of this past July when I went away with friends for two nights in a row and I slept in until 8am each morning! 8am!!! And this Tina Fey line from Date Night, in response to Steve Carrell's character asking if she ever fantasizes about other men, really resonates with me now:

"if anything, I fantasize about being alone! Just on my worst day. . . I'd like to run away . . . get a hotel room just so I can sit in a room by myself and eat my lunch . . . with a Diet Sprite." 

...except I wouldn't drink Diet Sprite, I'd sleeeeeep and sleep and sleep. Then I'd wake up eight hours later, order a meaty pizza and watch all the episodes of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee I need to catch up on. Then I would sleep some more. Every two hours I would get a text from Phil saying, "Everything's great here! The boys miss you but are so engaged in developmentally-appropriate educational activities that they're not sad at all!"

So can someone get me that for Christmas?