Alison Jutzi Talks Amongst Herself

I can't say I wasn't warned. Everyone told me to  sleep while I could in preparation for parenthood. And I thought I had slept enough. I diligently stayed in bed an additional hour whenever I could and stored the extra sleep in Mason jars in our bedroom closet. But, guys? I ran out. I didn't think I'd need this much. Felix isn't the expert sleeper Remy was (and I say was because Remy, the sleep-through-the-night-at-five-months baby, magically transformed into a Crappy McNosleeps about six months ago) so it's been awhile since I went to sleep on one day and woke up at least six hours into the next one.  Sometimes I daydream of this past July when I went away with friends for two nights in a row and I slept in until 8am each morning! 8am!!! And this Tina Fey line from Date Night , in response to Steve Carrell's character asking if she ever fantasizes about other men, really resonates with me now: "if anything, I fantasize about being a...

Today is the due date for our bundle of joy, but I don't know that he got the memo.  I wouldn't be surprised if this pregnancy ended in an induction, like my first one did.  Not to brag, but I'm pretty sure I have a super comfy uterus. This is how pregnancy number two has gone: Week 5 - Week 20 Tried to ignore it as much as possible in order to save my energy for the final and what I know to be long months. Week 20-30 Emotional roller coaster. Crazy mood swings and crying jags. Not fun. Dreamt of red wine. Weeks 31-40 Happily much more emotionally stable.  Felt resigned. Just trying to stay low to the ground and get through it. ...so I wrote the above on January 6th and never posted it. Then on the 8th I had a baby so I've been pretty busy with that. Felix Collin Jutzi Sullivan (or Flixster, as I like to call him) was born rather quickly on the evening of Wednesday, January 8th, 2014. The second epidural of my life was lovely, thank you, and t...

In case anyone needs Christmas gift ideas for Remy, I had him compile a list of his most-desired items: A box of Kleenex Mommy's cosmetics case Daddy's glasses The remote control for the television The remote control for the TiVo The remote control for the VCR Chips of drywall from the baseboard in the nursery Anything from a garbage can Toilet water Whatever you're holding right now The thing you just took away from me An empty diaper box Mommy's cell phone Daddy's cell phone Anything that is in a cupboard Autonomy

I am 28 weeks into my second pregnancy.  I am irritable and emotional and highly sensitive and forgetful and klutzy and tired and I would like a bottle of bold red wine, please.  The first time around had its charm because it was new! Exciting! Look what my body can do! This time around just feels long...and I haven't even hit the hard part yet.   I have broken a lot of things recently, due to my general clumsiness and lack of spatial awareness: our glass coffee table, a teapot, a glass, some salad tongs, and the coffee pot - before I had made coffee that morning.  There were tears.  It is very frustrating not to be able to trust yourself to keep things unbroken.  Almost as frustrating as it is to try to explain why you're crying when you just are.  Just because.  Hormones.  Whatever.   It makes sense that pregnancy number two would be harder.  As a friend of mine said, "Your body had 33 years to prepare for the first pregn...

There are two ways to store your Tupperware (by which I of course mean Zellers-brand plastic containers and old margarine tubs):  Separate the bowls and lids, and stack them in such a way that maximizes the space available, so that you have as little air as possible taking up room in your Tupperware drawer; Keep the lids on and stack them one on top of the other. The first way seems like the smart way, which is why most people choose it.  "I'm being efficient with space!  Look how much stuff I can fit in here when I use my mad Tetris skills!" and that's all fine and dandy, until you actually need to put away the leftover pasta and then you're all, "Where is the effing lid?  Why can't I find the effing lid?  STOP TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN" I choose the second option because I don't need to be able to fit millions of plastic containers into one spot; I just need about 10 of them, and I need to not have to sift through 18 lids trying to fi...

3 minutes in:   Really, Jennifer Lopez? You're being artificially inseminated and you're concerned that the doctor is going to be offended by your chipped nail polish? Is that really how you feel? Also, really? You wore fake eyelashes to this appointment? 4 minutes: Really? I'm hearing a voice inside your head saying, "Oh, I hope this works. I've wanted this for so long. Maybe this isn't how I pictured it, exactly." Really? Did that need to be written? Can't we just assume it? 4 minutes: Oh good, you have a quirky best friend who squawks at you about how horrible her four kids are, and how damaged her goods are and how that should therefore mean you shouldn't have kids of your own. This is getting worse by the second. 5 minutes: Ugh, did we just do a flashback to your male friend doing a spit-take when you asked him to be your baby-daddy? And then did he ask if you were out of your mind, and screech about how he's in his sexual prime, in...