Balls.

This is a post about sports, in case you came here with other expectations.

Here is a timeline of my involvement in sports:

1983 - took gymnastics at the age of 5. i think i learned to do a somersault, but not that well.

1984 - started swimming lessons. continued for several years until they started asking me to do hard things like dive.

1986 - one summer on a T-ball team. last person to receive the "MVP" award (free fries at McDonalds). only got it because it was required that every child win at least once. never really understood the rules of the game. once tripped and fell while running home, leaving me emotionally scarred for life.

1989 - played on grade 6 volleyball team. wasn't too bad at it. highlight of my life in sports.

1990 - tried out for grade 7/8 volleyball team. realized i was WAY out of my league.

highschool - figured i'd better stick to musicals.

And that, my friends, was pretty much it...until recently. Two years ago Phil asked me to sub a few times on his ultimate frisbee team. Though I felt like a 75-year-old with emphysema while playing, I enjoyed myself and didn't feel as incompetent as I'd feared I might. This year Nicole asked me to be on her dodgeball team, Electric Tigers Dodgebrawl, and after much hemming and hawing and "wah wah wah, what if I'm not good enough?" I agreed, and have loved the experience. I've also been subbing on Phil's softball team and have been getting better at that every game.

So the lesson here, folks, is that I'm amazing at sports. No wait, the lesson is that Nicole really knows how to name a team. No wait, the REAL lesson that I REALLY wanted to share, is that now is the perfect time to take up that activity you never thought you would. Check out the Not So Pro and TSSC sites if you want to join a sports team. Or...take singing lessons if you "can't sing" and go volunteer in another country if you're "not adventurous". The best way to be the type of person you want to be, is to start acting that way. Eventually it'll just come naturally.

Well, I'm off to find some balls to play with. I suggest you do the same.

Urban Legends.

Urban Legends is a show on the History Channel that dramatizes three urban legends and tells you which of the three are true at the end of the episode. This clip just shows the part of the episode that I was in, and it tells the story of a woman in England who thought she had ghosts in her house. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

Dear Juicer.

Dear Juicer,

Do you like sitting on top of the fridge? Do you feel a little dusty and underused? I'm sorry, Juicer. It's my fault.

You see, I bought you while I was detoxing, and believed nothing could be better than a glass of carrot-ginger juice in the morning. But after two uses, I learned that the product you were putting out wasn't worth the time and effort it took to take you apart and clean you. You really are a bit of a bother, did you know that?

I can't say I'm surprised. When I bought you, I heard a little voice inside my head saying, "you know this is just going to end up gathering dust on top of the fridge, right?" but I refused to be talked down by my inner voice, and so I marched right up to the counter and purchased you: the cheapest juicer on the shelf.

And now I see you, perched sadly atop the fridge, longing to transform perfectly good vegetables into something that looks like swamp water. And I think, "Will I ever use my juicer again?"

The answer, Juicer, is a resounding yes! I refuse to be that person who buys a juicer (or a treadmill or a foot bath) and only uses it a handfull of times before banishing it to a shelf or a closet or a basement. What I need to do is make spinach-beet juice a part of my everyday life. I need to develop a morning routine that involves drinking a punch of carrots, pineapple and beets.

Oh yes, it will be done.

Leon's Commercial (fall, 2008)

I remember being exhausted after this shoot because we did three spots in one day (usually it takes a whole day to do one 30 second spot).

Also...contortionists are awesome.

Boston Pizza Commercial.

Hey y'all,

If you watch TSN you've probably already seen this one. This is a spot I shot earlier this summer. Watch me be SO EXCITED!!!

Dear Fitness Instructor.

Dear Fitness Instructor,

You have a lot of energy. I do not have as much energy as you. How do you do it? I know that you are being paid a pittance for what I think is an important job. How do you maintain such vigour?

I like the class you teach me. The one where we do dance moves and I get a good cardio workout? It's fun, even though I am a terrible dancer and always have to choose the "beginner" options.

But, Fitness Instructor? Can I ask a favour of you?

Can you please stop asking me questions in the middle of class and requiring me to answer them loudly? Questions like, "Are you READY to ROCK?" and "ARE YOU FEELING THE BURN? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

I really don't like it when you ask me those questions. I'm never really that ready to rock, regardless of the situation, so I feel it would be dishonest to answer in the affirmative. And as for feeling the burn, you can just go ahead and assume that I am because I'm not an athlete and you're making me move my body a lot.

I don't know why I can't just answer you back, but I know I'm not alone. The only response you ever get is one or two people with a tiny "YEAH!" so is it really worth your asking? Frankly, it makes us uncomfortable. Maybe if we all knew each other it would be different, but we don't. We just go to the same gym.

Fitness Instructor, I hope I haven't made you feel bad. I really do like your class. I hope you like teaching it. I just want you to know that when I don't answer you back, it's not because I'm having a bad time. It's just that I want you to leave me alone and let me do my workout in peace, for the LOVE of GOD.

Sincerely,

Alison