I am 28 weeks into my second pregnancy. I am irritable and emotional and highly sensitive and forgetful and klutzy and tired and I would like a bottle of bold red wine, please. The first time around had its charm because it was new! Exciting! Look what my body can do! This time around just feels long...and I haven't even hit the hard part yet.
I have broken a lot of things recently, due to my general clumsiness and lack of spatial awareness: our glass coffee table, a teapot, a glass, some salad tongs, and the coffee pot - before I had made coffee that morning. There were tears. It is very frustrating not to be able to trust yourself to keep things unbroken. Almost as frustrating as it is to try to explain why you're crying when you just are. Just because. Hormones. Whatever.
It makes sense that pregnancy number two would be harder. As a friend of mine said, "Your body had 33 years to prepare for the first pregnancy and seven months for the second." Things I'm doing differently this time:
- Drinking coffee. The first time around, I felt guilty having a steeped tea once every three days; this time I can't function without my two cups of coffee in the morning. Judge away.
- Reading nothing. I don't feel the need to know when exactly the baby is the size of an avocado this time.
- Caring for a one-year-old. This means a few things: lifting 30 lbs about a hundred times a day, having to bend over a lot (oh, that pesky food-throwing stage), and on a positive note, having a constant reminder that pregnancy is totally worth the prize you get at the end.
- Trying not to gain too much weight. I know how hard it is to lose the pregnancy weight, so I'm trying to be more careful.
- Totally failing at not gaining too much weight. Meh. I wasn't really trying that hard.
- Punching people in the neck. Okay, I haven't literally done this, but I've wanted to. I wasn't this moody last time, was I? WELL, I AM THIS TIME SO YOU'D BETTER SHUT UP.
- Referencing my last pregnancy journal. Yeah, I journal. And I'm not doing it to make you feel bad that you don't. I find comfort in reading entries from last time like, "I feel fat and exhausted. Please make this be over." I say, "I hear you, sister" and enjoy the bonding moment with my former self. But then there are also entries like, "Oh, it's so exciting to prepare the nursery!" and I'm like, "Oh, shut up" but then I realize it's just the hormones talking, and I really needn't begrudge Alison from the past for enjoying nesting. I am such a cow sometimes.
- Eating a lot of apples. That's my pregnancy craving this time. At least it's healthy. If only I weren't having equally strong cravings for chocolate bars and danishes.
12 more weeks...