Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Just busy changing our lives over here, that's all.

How to change your life in twenty easy difficult, heart-wrenching, exciting, terrifying, thrilling steps.

1. Decide you want to buy a house in Toronto, then lose five bidding wars on tiny houses in mediocre neighbourhoods - and lose those bidding wars spectacularly, by $70,000.00 and more, except for that last one where you actually had the highest bid but didn't want to agree to some crazy last-minute clause that you weren't allowed to consult a lawyer on because you needed to make the decision right then and there (This is called coercion, law students!).

2. Lose your job...well, not your job, your husband's job...well, not that you lost it for him, but he lost it and even then, he didn't really lose it, it just ceased to exist while he was on parental leave, so there you have it. No more house-hunting. It wasn't your acting income that got you your mortgage pre-approval.

3. Take online courses towards your Law Clerk certification through ILCO because you've enjoyed your part-time job as a legal assistant at a firm in Yorkville, and you like the idea of having a certification in a thing. Turns out the world of law is pretty interesting. But I mean, you're still mostly an actor.

4. Feel the walls closing in on you,  your  husband and your two adorable and rambunctious little snarfers (snarfer = delectably cute son), as your two-bedroom apartment becomes a little less, "It's fine! We'll manage! There are always the excellent parks and community centres!" and a little more, "WE NEED A BACKYARD IMMEDIATELY I'M GONNA DIE".

5. Consider getting a full-time job, maybe in Guelph where your family is, and where your sons could spend time with their grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins, and could maybe have a backyard and live in a nice neighbourhood that we could afford and...wait, this sounds pretty good...

6. See an ad for a law office in Guelph that is hiring a real estate law clerk because your sister-in-law noticed it online, and wonder if maybe you should apply. But you're really an actor, so that would be weird...

7. Apply for the job. Get an offer to take the job. Really want to take the job.

8. Accept the job offer.


10. Call your agents to tell them you're off to Guelph to be a law clerk and buy a patch of grass with a house to go with it. Feel relieved when they totally understand and you don't feel sad about the prospect of not auditioning for any more commercials. Know that you can and will come back to acting in the future, if that is what you want to do.

11. Start your new job. Find the work satisfying and the people lovely. Get really busy with work. Be happy you're busy because you need a distraction from the vacation/tragedy of being away from your kids and husband throughout the week until you find a house in Guelph.

12. Search every weekend for a house. Lose two bidding wars (ARE YOU KIDDING ME? BUT WE'RE NOT IN TORONTO! BUT WHY? BUT HOW?). Finally find your home. Feel so happy and excited.

13. Work really hard learning the ropes at your new job while studying for your second of four law clerks exams, while missing your husband and kiddies and dreaming of when you can all be together in your beautiful new house with the deck and the backyard and the finished basement, oh my!

14. Look out the window at work at 4:55pm on the day of your fourth wedding anniversary and see your husband pull up with a brand new blue Dodge Grand Caravan. Dreamy! Oh, the joy of contemplating life as a vehicle-owner.

15. Interview thousands of (really just six) home daycare providers. Settle on one that is a bit out of the way, but which comes with a backyard with trees and playsets galore, that the boys will love more than they love the original Cars movie.

16. Complete your second law clerk exam. Be really freakin' glad that exam is over so you can focus all your attention on your upcoming real estate purchase which, by the way, you get to be involved in every step of the way because the law firm you now work at is handling the file, which means you are handling the file, and isn't that kind of cool?

17. Sit in your parents' condo in Guelph on a Wednesday night and update your blog for the first time in six months while working away at a bottle of red wine all by yourself, all the while wondering, "Will I finish this bottle tonight?" and knowing that you really ought not to.

18. Decide to stop at number 18 on your list of 20 things, because nobody can make this lady conform to what she said she was gonna do in the first sentence. be continued...