I suck, I suck, I suuuuuuuck.

Ten years ago (ten of them!) Renée Strasfeld and I were sharing a dressing room at the St. Lawrence Centre, getting ready for a performance of Free to Be...You and Me directed by Michael Rubinoff, and she said I just had to listen to this awesome song from The Last Five Years by Jason Robert Brown, which includes a woman singing her subtext while doing a musical theatre audition. I loved the song, then loved the show, then desperately wanted to do the show, and last year the wonderful Kate Stevenson gave me that opportunity.  My castmate, John Boag, who's voice is like butter but even better (so maybe like butter mixed with brown sugar and then Tina Fey serves it to you in a chocolate bowl?) made an audio recording of one of our performances, and I've posted a few of the numbers on my website. Here is a link to my performance of "Climbing Uphill", the number that Renée played for me that day in 2003.  As much as I loved it then, it really resonates with me now.  

Hey look, I did a non-baby post!

Mommy Secrets

I'm a mom. These are my secrets.

1. I am afraid all the time. I have so much to lose now.

2. For awhile, in an attempt to lose my remaining pregnancy weight, I was eating Lean Cuisine and trying to stick to 1200 calories a day (no, not while breast-feeding, you don't have to report me to the authorities). If you can't picture what 1200 calories a day looks like, here is a sample menu:

Breakfast: 1 rice cake.

Lunch: Air soup with dust sprinkled on top, and if you're really hungry you can throw in a mint leaf, but just a small one (THINK OF THE CALORIES).

Dinner: One frozen chicken breast with a garnish of boiled broccoli (the low-fat kind).

AND THEN TAKE A SLEEPING PILL SO YOU'LL PASS OUT SO YOU WON'T SNACK BECAUSE SNACKING AFTER 7PM IS THE WORST.

So that was great for awhile and I really saw results, but mostly those results were me being really hungry all the time. Now I am okay with taking the weight loss reeeeally slowly. Food is delicious.

3. Phil has started his parental leave and I'm back at work. I am enjoying this far more than I thought I would.  Beforehand I was feeling anxious about the prospect of not seeing Remy all day, but I am making the most of the time I do have with him.  The hard part is coming home at the end of the day and feeling out of the loop. "I don't know what his poops looked like today - HOW CAN I BE A GOOD MOTHER?"

4. Most moms think their baby is the cutest and smartest, but I know mine is. We're not just talking about my opinion here, we're talking about hard facts. I love science.


5. I have a mantra: "Work hard, don't complain, and take really good care of yourself."  It has served me well.  And the "don't complain" thing isn't a hard and fast rule. I still reserve the right to engage in bitch sessions when necessary.

6. On occasion I feel like I want to punch a wall.  I find this is usually remedied by my calling Phil and saying, "CAN YOU PLEASE COME HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE?", eating something delicious, and calling friends so we can all have a laugh about my mental state.

7. I now find it hilarious that I wanted to use reusable diapers in our apartment building with the communal laundry room.  Haaaaaaahahahaha!  I was so young.

8. It breaks my heart that Remy won't want me to cuddle him and rock him to sleep one day.  It breaks my heart like the first 10 minutes of "Up" did.  Ouchie.