I didn't save up enough sleep.

I can't say I wasn't warned.

Everyone told me to  sleep while I could in preparation for parenthood. And I thought I had slept enough. I diligently stayed in bed an additional hour whenever I could and stored the extra sleep in Mason jars in our bedroom closet.

But, guys? I ran out. I didn't think I'd need this much. Felix isn't the expert sleeper Remy was (and I say was because Remy, the sleep-through-the-night-at-five-months baby, magically transformed into a Crappy McNosleeps about six months ago) so it's been awhile since I went to sleep on one day and woke up at least six hours into the next one. 

Sometimes I daydream of this past July when I went away with friends for two nights in a row and I slept in until 8am each morning! 8am!!! And this Tina Fey line from Date Night, in response to Steve Carrell's character asking if she ever fantasizes about other men, really resonates with me now:

"if anything, I fantasize about being alone! Just on my worst day. . . I'd like to run away . . . get a hotel room just so I can sit in a room by myself and eat my lunch . . . with a Diet Sprite." 

...except I wouldn't drink Diet Sprite, I'd sleeeeeep and sleep and sleep. Then I'd wake up eight hours later, order a meaty pizza and watch all the episodes of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee I need to catch up on. Then I would sleep some more. Every two hours I would get a text from Phil saying, "Everything's great here! The boys miss you but are so engaged in developmentally-appropriate educational activities that they're not sad at all!"

So can someone get me that for Christmas?

This Is 40 Weeks.

Today is the due date for our bundle of joy, but I don't know that he got the memo.  I wouldn't be surprised if this pregnancy ended in an induction, like my first one did.  Not to brag, but I'm pretty sure I have a super comfy uterus.

This is how pregnancy number two has gone:

Week 5 - Week 20

Tried to ignore it as much as possible in order to save my energy for the final and what I know to be long months.

Week 20-30

Emotional roller coaster. Crazy mood swings and crying jags. Not fun. Dreamt of red wine.

Weeks 31-40

Happily much more emotionally stable.  Felt resigned. Just trying to stay low to the ground and get through it.

...so I wrote the above on January 6th and never posted it. Then on the 8th I had a baby so I've been pretty busy with that. Felix Collin Jutzi Sullivan (or Flixster, as I like to call him) was born rather quickly on the evening of Wednesday, January 8th, 2014. The second epidural of my life was lovely, thank you, and the second baby of my life has been equally as lovely, if not more so. I'd have written sooner, but I've had a newborn attached to me and a toddler hovering around me who thinks the laptop must be a toy because LOOK HOW FUN IT IS TO PUSH ALL THOSE BUTTONS! 

Felix sleeps with me at night and Phil has been banished to the couch. I'm hoping we'll be able to make the transition to the crib sooner rather than later, though I am getting used to having him beside me, and we do spend the better part of the night sleeping (with a few feeding sessions and diaper changes here and there). 

I've started doing voice auditions again. I love actors because they provide top notch childcare services. I can be assured that no matter which casting agency I go to, there will be at least one actor in the waiting room who will not only hold my baby for me but gush about how cute he is and about how I am soooo amazing - brave even! - to be auditioning again already. I'm really not that amazing, but I take the compliment anyway because who am I to turn down a free ego boost?

Both boys are sleeping right now. Actually, all three of them are sleeping (Phil is enjoying the bed...he misses it). In these moments when I have free time I often find I don't know what to do with myself. Luckily, at least one child is bound to wake up to free me from the burden of deciding what to do. 

And, as if on cue, Felix has just stirred. I'll post more later. Perhaps in June?

- Mama Jutz

                                                                   Felix C.J. Sullivan