I am 46 years old.

In 2008 I was on a CBC talent search competition called, "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" An old theatre school classmate made me a Wikipedia page at the time because of how famous I was*. She put my birth year as 10 years later than it actually is (1988 instead of 1978) because she didn't want people to know how old she was and figured they'd deduce her age by her association with me. It was bizarre to me, but kinda funny, and I left it there (mostly because I didn't know how to make Wikipedia edits). 

Anyway, I don't have a Wikipedia page anymore and I am now 46 (in Wikipedia years that's 36). Aside from some weird perimenopause symptoms, like hating bras and stupid questions, I feel very into myself at this age. I am comfortable in my body and have confidence in my opinions. It's a work-in-progress, but I'm truly learning what I authentically want and feel without being swayed by all my early life training in compliance. 

It's feckin' great. 

Tell people how old you are if you want. It's fine. Also eat some cookies.

*not even a little bit famous

On not looking at myself in the mirror at the gym.

I started going to the gym again, motivated partially by a new personal wellness benefit at work (bless). Because I'm older and because I've done a lot of work at breaking down my relationship with my body and not being so concerned with the male gaze, and having a healthier relationship with food, I feel SO. FREE. in my Body Pump class because I DO NOT LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR or, when I do, it's not with any sort of judgement. Also missing is counting calories. To be at the gym purely to gain strength and mobility, maintain mental health, and straight up feel good is a joy. And it took time to get here. 

I love it here. 

It's the best.