Dry Streak

Do people from London, Ontario spend their whole lives saying "No, Ontario actually"? I've had this conversation a lot recently:

Person I Know: So, what are you going to be doing next?

Me: I'm doing a play in London.

Person I Know: England?

Me: No, no. London, Ontario.

Person I Know: Oh.

Me: Yeah...ha ha...anyway, it should be good.

Person I Know: It would be more interesting if you were going to England.

Okay, maybe they don't say that last part. Anyway, the point is I'm heading to the Grand Theatre in London Ontario for the next six weeks to work on a play called Dry Streak. It's a comedy written by the Canadian playwright Leeann Minogue. If you'd like tickets you can visit the Grand Theatre website here.

Goodbye for now, Toronto. I'll see you in November!

Working with cats: behind the scenes.

Yesterday I shot a Whiskas commercial with two American Silver Tabby Shorthairs named Monty and Mikey. They arrived from L.A. (!) with their very friendly trainers, Chrissy and David. Do you know what cats having trainers means?

Cats...can be TRAINED.

When I went to my wardrobe call on Monday I stayed for about an hour after they'd picked my outfit so I could get to know the cats and they could rehearse their moves. Chrissy would let Mikey out of his carrying case and David would say "Mikey, jump up!" and the cat would run over to me and put his paws on my lap, at which point he was rewarded with luncheon meat. We did this a few times and then moved on to their floor routines, which essentially involved them rolling on their backs and being adorable.

On the day, we shot a scene where I'm sitting on a couch and the cat jumps up on me and we cuddle, so David put chicken-flavoured baby food on my nose and we rehearsed it a few times so the cat would come directly to my nose and lick it off. When we actually did the takes I didn't have baby food on my nose so the cat just came up to my face and looked really affectionate as it tried to locate the baby food.

Illusion!

Monty and Mikey are some of the best cats I've met. Still, when they were cuddling with me it kinda felt like when I was swimming with the dolphins in Cuba: yeah, they're letting me pat their heads and dragging me with their fins and stuff, but it's only 'cause they know they'll be rewarded with a bucket of fish.

Anyhoo, it was a fun shoot and surprisingly quick, considering we were working with animals and had to shoot both the English and French versions. Funnily enough, on my way home I ran into my friend Greg who is in one of the most clever and hilarious commercials I've ever seen, which also happens to be for Whiskas. Here's hoping mine will be this good:

Crasher Kanye.

Crasher squirrel meets Kanye West.

Would you like a proposal with your coffee?

People in my life are getting engaged left and right these days, which reminds me of a story.

Picture it: Guelph, winter of '97. I am working my mad Barista skills at the Second Cup in Stone Road Mall, ever-fearful of my boss's watchful gaze. His motto: "If there's time to lean, there's time to clean." I have just readjusted some miniature cherry pies and oversized biscotti in the display case when a young-ish couple approaches the counter.

Me: Hi there! What can I get for you today?

Him: Two Columbians please.

Me: For here?

Him: Yes.

Me: And would you like any pastries with that? (I have to say this or TimeToLeanTimeToClean gets huffy.)

Him: Yes! We would! Two butter tarts, please. It's a special day.

I turn around to get two plates and when I look back at the counter he has presented his womanfriend with a ring and he says,

Him: Will you marry me?

Her: Wha...? Are you serious?

Me: Exactly. Is he serious? Really? Here? In line at the Second Cup? Wow. Ha. I feel honoured to be here for this. That'll be $5.45, please.

(In retrospect, I see that I might've been nice and bought their coffee and pastries for them, but I was in almost as much shock as the dude's girlfriend was.)

He pays and they sit themselves down at a table and talk quietly.

...And I'll never know what ended up happening. I got busy after that so I couldn't eavesdrop on their conversation. The tragedy! Did she finally say yes? Was she kind of expecting it or was it a total shock? Did she wonder what the eff was up with her boyfriend that he would propose marriage to her in line for coffee at the Stone Road Mall???

Yes, I know, a dramatic proposal does not a happy marriage make. But at least go to a park. Y'know? I mean, come on. The mall? Really?

I like to think that she was expecting the proposal and had asked him to do it when she least suspected it was coming, just to make the moment exciting. And, well, if that's the case then he TOTALLY SUCCEEDED. Maybe at dinner parties they regale their friends with the tale of the Second Cup proposal and she holds his hand and gazes at him lovingly as she remembers how her heart jumped when he pulled out the ring.

Or maybe she dropped him like a used Kleenex. Either way, it's a pretty good story.

Twitter.

I don't understand Twitter. I don't see the point. But I also don't see the purpose in going on ad nauseum about not understanding those who "tweet", as though I'm so much better at controlling my use of electronic communication fora, what with only having 4 email accounts, MySpace, Facebook, a blog, a website, a Wikipedia page, a Facebook fanpage (and the list goes on).

Frankly, my online presence already far exceeds how present I feel in my everyday life. But isn't that the point? Aren't we all madly posting status updates and photos and random musings to assert our existence and prove to everyone how happy, popular, successful and full of life and adventure we all are? "See how good I look in that photo? Notice how the light hits my face just right? And see how I was just doing some traveling with my very attractive friends? Don't you think that's pretty worldly of me? And do you believe yet that I'm happy? Do you?? My life is great! DON'T YOU WISH YOU WERE ME???"

So I think adding a Twitter account to the mix would be going overboard.

BUT if I were on Twitter, these are the things I likely would have said during my trip to Montreal this weekend:

________________________________________________

On the train back from Montreal. No breakfast combo available at this late hour. :(
6:35 PM Sept 7 from txt

Just spent lovely afternoon with Phil's family. So much pate. Ack - how do I do accents? LOL!
3:04 PM Sept 7 from txt

Sad to leave Kristy and Matt's place. Seb is such a beautiful little boy. So happy to meet him!
11:15 AM Sept 7 from txt

My Winnipeg: good movie to watch if you want to feel like you just did a lot of drugs.
9:40 PM Sept 6 from web

Matt and Kristy put fried potatoes in their burritos. This is my new favourite thing.
7:54 PM Sept 6 from web

Tam tams and Nerd Wars at Mont-Royal make for a fun and dusty afternoon!
5:12 PM Sept 6 from web

It's fun watching Phil try to avert his eyes while Kristy breastfeeds. LOL!
1:45 PM Sept 6 from txt

Kristy is having great success with reusable diapers!
11:30 AM Sept 6 from web

Delicious Thai food tonight with Kristy, Matt, Phil and little Seb. Crispy spinach is the bomb!
11:23 PM Sept 5 from web

Had ice cream and looked at old photos at Phil's mom's house. He sure was a cutie.
6:30 PM Sept 5 from txt

Fun brunch with Radha, reminiscing about 4th Line. Ah, memories!
2:20 PM Sept 5 from txt

Blow-up mattress deflated during the night. Will have to be sure to close it properly tonight.
9:40 AM Sept 5 from web

Arrived in Montreal! Starving after trip so went to Keg! So much meat!
11:34 PM Sept 4 from web

____________________________________________________

Suffice it to say that no one is worse off for my not having a Twitter account. I'd be one of those people who posts things that are irrelevant to anyone but me. And that's probably why I don't see the point of Twitter. Those who are posting about politics and world affairs may be doing the world a service. I'll do my part and not cloud the twitterfeed with my banalities. I've got Facebook for that.

The Annex Live

I'm going to be singing at The Annex Live Music and Comedy Night tomorrow evening. This venue is the former Poor Alex, which has been turned into a restaurant and performance space. You can click here to see the Facebook invite, if you're ONE OF US in the Facebook cult. If not, then I guess you're out of luck. 'Cause I mean, seriously people, who doesn't have Facebook anymore? What, you're too good to have all your contact information and embarrassing photos on a public forum for all to see? GET OVER YOURSELF.

Ahem. Anyhoo, I hope you can make it to the show. I write and sing comedic folk songs, in case I haven't mentioned that before. You can listen to a few of them on my website.

And for those of you who haven't jumped on the Facebook train (and oh, you will) here are the details:

The Annex Live
296 Brunswick Avenue, Toronto
Wednesday, September 2nd at 8:30pm
No cover.