The Women of Heated Rivalry

This contains spoilers, but also - why haven't you watched it yet?

I've been mulling over why Heated Rivalry is so popular with women and feels feminist even absent any main characters that are women. For me, it's both that the lens of the entire love story is not filtered through the straight male gaze (extremely refreshing) and that the characters who are women have agency, intelligence and self-awareness. 

Watching Heated Rivalry feels like freedom. 

It's the way the sex feels safe while erotic; entirely consensual but surprising; secretive but not dangerous. And the two parties involved are fundamentally equal. Free.

The Women.

When Shane Hollander's girlfriend realizes he's gay, she doesn't throw a cocktail in his face or yell at him. She is kind and understanding and not at all surprised, because she's a human in the world with emotional intelligence and also hey, she went to theatre school; this is not her first rodeo. See? Women can be reasonable. In fact, we're great at it.

Ilya's childhood friend and sometimes lover is his rock. She can also see him for exactly who he is (see: emotional intelligence), she knows that who he wants is "Jane", and she wants that for him. This is beautiful.

Shane's mum misses some things about her son. And when she realizes he didn't feel free to tell her his truth, she apologizes in a very real way, taking full responsibility. 

There's a fullness to these women. We don't hear a lot from them, but what we do get is so deeply satisfying. 

As a woman, I desperately want to feel seen, but almost as desperately I want to be acknowledged for how deeply I see those around me. It feels like a superpower that no one celebrates enough. I see the women of Heated Rivalry seeing others and it makes me feel seen. 

Cocks without Blocks.

Often the antagonist or the conflict in a t.v. show can feel like a cock-block (for lack of my desire to use literally any other word). There are no cock-blocks in this show. The "conflict" is internal for both Shane and Ilya. Yes, it's due to external forces, primarily being a toxic masculine culture rife with homophobia, but that is known instead of shown. And the flow of the narrative has a delightful build instead of being rudely interrupted by reality at inopportune times. 

I was chatting with my Lauras recently, and after we got through the administration of life updates, we then truly came alive when one of them brought up Heated Rivalry. We giddily fell over ourselves, telling Laura-who-hasn't-seen-it-yet that she absolutely MUST. 

And with the state of the world right now, what a balm this has been. The very fact of the show's popularity reminds me of a thing that I already believed anyway: 

The shit we're seeing right now? It's the last, violent, destructive gasp of a monster that desperately doesn't want to die. And it hasn't seen Heated Rivalry. Because it just wouldn't get it.