Preparing teenage boys for their perimenopausal wives.

My son asked me what perimenopause was exactly, since I talk about it "all the time". I told him it's when women's estrogen levels go down and they see the patriarchy with clarity. (He didn't ask me to define patriarchy; I truly do talk about that all the time.)

When I started glimpsing the world through my new lens, I told my husband, Phil, that I see why a lot of marriages end when wives are in perimenopause. She's metaphorically rage-flipping tables and he's like, hey, remember when you cared about pleasing me? 

I told Phil that he could expect a lot of changes in me, but that I recommended he hang on because I was turning into a more fascinating version of myself. And I thought, that's what I want for my son: not only to treat his future high school girlfriend with respect but to be open to his future wife changing and wanting more, and for him to be ready and willing to embrace her transformation. 

So I'll incorporate this into my mental list of things I want to teach my sons about dating and relationships:

"Shower, wear deodorant, and when she's having hot flashes set up a fan on her side of the bed and buy her linen pyjamas". 

"Make sure she consents before you kiss her and also encourage her to go to Vegas with her friends for her 50th."

"Buy her a nice corsage for prom and also look in the kids' backpacks for permission slips because it's your job too."

This morning, I gently knocked on my son's door to let him know I was about to shower, in case he needed to use the bathroom first. He said, "NO" with very clear subtext: "Ugh, your voice is like nails on a chalkboard, why are you BOTHERING ME?" and I get it because the way he as a 13-year-old feels about my voice in the morning is how I feel about most people and situations most of the time.

We are developmentally at similar stages, really. Both rejecting what we just realized is a prison (me, the patriarchy; him, the oppression of our daring to parent him). Luckily, once I've had my coffee and he's had some pancakes, we can laugh about it. 

Meanwhile, Phil just sent me a trailer for a perimenopause documentary and suggested we watch it together. He's got this.