Dear electronic interface on the treadmill at the gym.

Dear electronic interface on the treadmill at the gym,

You are so fancy. I love all your flashing lights and the chart that shows what my target heartrate should be, based on my age. I also like that with the press of a button, I can customize my workout. Sometimes I want to burn fat, but sometimes I want to work on cardio, and you give me both of those options - and more!

But, electronic interface, I do have a bit of an issue to discuss with you.

When I've been jogging for 15 minutes you like to tell me, with your fancy red lights, that my workout is "25% COMPLETED". I guess you want me to know this because you're trying to encourage me to keep going, but all I want to say is, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR AN HOUR?"

I mean, seriously, it's a miracle I've been on there for 15 minutes. Maybe instead you should say, "HOLY CRAP WHAT ARE YOU A FRIGGIN' OLYMPIC RUNNER?" and then I'd feel really good about myself and stay on the treadmill for another 15 minutes instead of getting off in a huff and drinking two chocolate protein shakes from Booster Juice.

Thank you for listening, electronic interface on the treadmill at the gym. I appreciate your attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

Alison Jutzi

A Four-Alarm Performance

We officially opened our production of Dry Streak at the Grand last night to a full house (800 people), including the playwright, Leeann Minogue. She's a lovely woman who seemed very pleased with the positive response we've been getting. The show went by without a hitch, and the audience laughed in all the right places, not acting at all like the typical polite-and-quiet Friday night audience.

After the show, we were enjoying some drinks and food in the lobby when a gentle and continuous "ding" started sounding. It reminded me of the warning bell you hear when intermission is coming to a close and it's time to chug your coffee and shove that Haagen Dazs bar down your throat.

I ignored it until one of the staff members alerted us all to the fact that it was actually the fire alarm and we had to evacuate the building! We all made our way down the stairs to the main entrance where we huddled outside in the drizzle as four (FOUR!) fire trucks came screaming towards the theatre and a bunch of firefighters piled through the front doors.

I was spending half my time laughing at the situation with my stage managers, and the other half wondering, "Did I leave my curling iron on or something?" At one point I smelled the cigarette someone had lit nearby and thought, "Oh no, it is a real fire!"

After 20 minutes the firefighters were on their way and we were allowed back into the theatre. False alarm. I'm not sure what set it off, but I'm glad it waited until after the show. That'd be one sure-fire way to kill the momentum of a performance. Get it? Sure-fire? I didn't even mean to do that.

Well, we've started off the run with a bang and I'm sure the show will just get better as we go. Earlier this week we had some people from the press at rehearsal who were taking photos and some video. Here's a link to a video clip of the show, if you're one of those people who doesn't mind seeing a sneak-preview. And if you still need tickets, just check out the Grand Theatre website. I hope to see you in London soon.

I love my 80's hairdo.

I'm in the middle of tech dress rehearsal for Dry Streak so I'm rockin' the 80's bangs. I'm really enjoying this. Perhaps a little too much.

VIDEO BLOG - My Mom is an English Teacher

My newest song...

Bravery.

I just read that Jim Carrey is gaining 50lbs for an upcoming role, which makes me think: when am I going to be offered a part that is conditional upon my gaining weight? I think I could do it. My diet would consist of:

- donuts

- cheese

- donuts with cheese on them

- cheese with a side of donuts

- cheese-flavoured donuts

- some more donuts

- sticks of cheese

- cubes of cheese

- Kraft single slices

- fish 'n' chips

Yeah, I could do it. Y'know why? Because I'm committed to my craft. I would gain 25lbs and then people would call me brave, just like they did with Renee Zellweger when she was playing Bridget Jones.

(Dr. Joshi, if you're reading this, please do not be alarmed. I'm just kidding. Well, not about liking donuts and cheese. That's totally true.)