Monday, October 26, 2009

Dear electronic interface on the treadmill at the gym.

Dear electronic interface on the treadmill at the gym,

You are so fancy. I love all your flashing lights and the chart that shows what my target heartrate should be, based on my age. I also like that with the press of a button, I can customize my workout. Sometimes I want to burn fat, but sometimes I want to work on cardio, and you give me both of those options - and more!

But, electronic interface, I do have a bit of an issue to discuss with you.

When I've been jogging for 15 minutes you like to tell me, with your fancy red lights, that my workout is "25% COMPLETED". I guess you want me to know this because you're trying to encourage me to keep going, but all I want to say is, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR AN HOUR?"

I mean, seriously, it's a miracle I've been on there for 15 minutes. Maybe instead you should say, "HOLY CRAP WHAT ARE YOU A FRIGGIN' OLYMPIC RUNNER?" and then I'd feel really good about myself and stay on the treadmill for another 15 minutes instead of getting off in a huff and drinking two chocolate protein shakes from Booster Juice.

Thank you for listening, electronic interface on the treadmill at the gym. I appreciate your attention to this matter.


Alison Jutzi


Jennifer said...

Dear Alison,

I enjoy your posts in which you wax poetic to inanimate objects, in the hope that you might aid them on their journeys towards self-improvement. Tis a noble vocation, and I would like you to continue on this trajectory.

With love,

Alison Jutzi said...

As always, I appreciate your support.

jennyfluhead said...

p.s. i hope you realize that this blog entry is a song. please realize this, and put it to music.