Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I Am Not Pregnant.

Just wanna get that out there. Because this post is going to be about pregnancy, and I don't want everyone to get all excited like when I posted a link to this hilarious Hairpin article about delivering a baby, and subsequently caused a bit of a stir.

I want to talk about those people who comment on Facebook statuses of pregnant women, warning them how crappy their life is about to get. You know the kind. And if you don't, here are some examples:

Preggers: "I had the best sleep last night. 9 hours!"
Negative Nelly: "Enjoy your sleep now because you won't be getting any when the baby comes lol!"

Preggers: "What a wonderful first anniversary with the love of my life: Steak and ice cream, and a lovely moonlit stroll on the really doesn't get better than this."
Debbie Downer: "Don't get used to it, once the baby comes you won't get any alone time lol!"

Preggers: "Loved having a girls' night last night. Thanks to Stace and Rachel for showing me a good time!"
Cynical Cynthia: "Did you tell them you won't ever be able to see them again once the baby comes? I haven't been out since Gabe was born and that was two years ago! lol! kill me."

I don't get it. And I don't think it's because I'm not a mom. My close friends who are moms don't make comments like those above, and I think it's because they know that:
1) pregnant women who have any sort of grasp of reality already know they're going to be busy and tired when the baby comes;
2) there is no way to store up sleep in the body, so "enjoying your sleep now" isn't going to do much to alleviate the fatigue that comes with round-the-clock feedings; and
3) the acronym "lol" needs to die a quick death, and soon.

Maybe I'll change my tune when I become a mom. Maybe when I post comments that might sound negative to some on my pregnant friends' walls, my pregnant friends will understand that while I may be saying something that sounds vaguely like, "Your life is going to suck soon!" they'll know that what I really mean is, "Having young kids can be hard, but I'm going through it too and I'm here to help!" Maybe that will happen. But I'll be damned if I'm going to start laughing out loud about it.


Anonymous said...

Take II. I can't remember all I wrote the first attempt but I'm sure it was wittier. Ok, it's not because you aren't a Mom, because when you are a Mom (or if, no pressure!) it turns out you're the same person you were before, and as you are pragmatic and positive already, you won't become like this. Plus, when you really really want a baby, even though you do get tired and miss out on some social events, having a baby is better than anything, even when you are tired and missing a party all your friends are at.

Sometimes I think these are things people just say because that's what they think they should say at the time, like it's the right response to a conversational prompt. Like when you are near your due date and so ready to have the baby, and people tell you to cherish those last few days without the baby and you're like, No, I'm uncomfortable and tired of worrying about labour and want to meet this kicking person already and you saying that IS NOT HELPFUL, it just makes me feel like you are not hearing me. And I WILL blame pregnancy hormones for snapping at you, dumb ass.

What I love most of all is when people tell you something is going to be really hard, and then it isn't so hard and you report this, and the person then can't wait to tell you how hard the next thing is going to be. Like all the people who told me flying with a 3 month old would be a nightmare. And then it was easy, less than 10 minutes of crying in each 8 hour flight. When I've said how it wasn't so bad really, so many people have been desperately eager to tell me that yeah, just wait until he's crawling or wants to move around, or isn't breastfeeding, or is 2, because then it will be really hard. And I just think, come on people, can't we enjoy right now and revel in the moments that are easier than we expected, because there will be plenty of hard moments, which won't be any easier even if everyone you know has commented or warned you about.

This is what I want to talk about instead: how any bad moments are far outweighed by great, amazing, fantastic moments. How your baby will be your favorite person who you will do anything for and not resent for the difficult and gross things they put you through. How all the things you miss out on or miss are displaced by things you cannot imagine your life without now, that you are so much richer for, which are better and more rewarding than anything you ever had or did ever before, that you wouldn't trade for anything. Which is not to say it isn't hard sometimes, just that overall, it is so much better. Parents don't really want their old lives before-baby back, they just want moments of it.

Wow, this is definitely longer than the first time I commented. I hope this one doesn't get lost or else I'm going to write a novel next time! xxxx

Alison Jutzi said...

This is the best. xo