What I Know Now That I Have a Baby

The baby is here! The baby is here! Here is a quick re-cap of that time in August when our son came into the world:

Was induced August 20th, 2012. Fabulous experience. Epidurals are the new awesome.

Gave birth to a beautiful son, Remy Owen Jutzi Sullivan! 7lbs, 13 oz.

My hubby and the doctor were great at helping me get the baby to be on the outside of my body.

Felt amazed when Remy was born, as though it were a dream.

Sent my dad to get McDonalds an hour after the birth. Really needed a Filet o' Fish.

Remy was alert right from the get-go, and everyone agreed he was a mini-Phil.

Well into the next morning, still wondered if it was all a dream from which I was about to be awoken and told, "You're still 4 centimetres."

We're still learning, and we're still tired, but overall Phil and I are feeling pretty darn good in our new parenting roles.  Here are my thoughts at the 7-week mark:

Not Being Pregnant is GREAT

In my final months of pregnancy, the whole being-a-vessel thing was getting old. Simple things like getting out of bed became a chore, and unfortunately I had to get out of bed a lot for washroom breaks in the middle of the night. I'd throw all my body weight to the side so that the momentum would propel me out of the bed, but then I couldn't just stand up and walk to the washroom; I had to lean on the bed and put my weight on one leg, then the other, to gently wake my lower back to the news that it was time for yet another trip to the toilet. Even after giving myself that time, I'd still have to stagger across the bedroom because my everything was stiff and sore. Sometimes, either day or night, I'd get searing leg cramps like none I'd ever experienced (and I already get bad leg cramps more than most people). Yes, I could have the odd drink, and every so often I would have half a glass of wine, but I couldn't really enjoy it.  In the last two months I started getting these intensely painful pelvic spasms.  And I was just a big, hot, sweaty mess most of the time.  Not pretty.  

So I'd google things like "What's it like not being pregnant?" and "Glad I'm not pregnant anymore" in search of blogs of formerly pregnant women singing the praises of post-pregnancy life.  Turns out it's hard to find any posts focusing on not being pregnant, because women who've just had a baby are understandably more interested in the fact that they now HAVE A BABY, and the past 9 months  quickly fade into the recesses of their minds.  And now that I HAVE A BABY and am living through all the intense experiences and emotions that come with that, I too rarely think about the discomforts of pregnancy.

BUT my quickly-fading memories are still intact enough that I can tell you that I LOVE not carrying around that pregnancy weight anymore (well, 20lbs of it at least...I'M WORKING ON IT), hopping out of bed is a joy, walking long distances without tiring or cramping is fabulous, enjoying a few glasses of red wine is divine, and, most of all, even though watching my beautiful baby do gymnastics in my belly was really cool, getting to see him on the outside of my belly is a million times better. 

No One Can Explain How Awesome It Is To Have A Baby

People tell you that having a baby will change your life, and that the love you have for your child will be unparalleled, and that from the birth of your baby you will start wearing your heart on the outside of your body, and all of these things are true, but none of these things can fully explain how it will feel to hold your newborn in your arms, and kiss his little face, and smell his precious little head nuzzled against your neck.  It's just something that you have to experience to understand, and when you do it's just...well...indescribable. 

I Do Not Mourn My Former Care-free Life

Sometimes you'll hear parents make comments like, "We'd love to go to Europe/a fancy restaurant/the movies, but it's hard now with the baby..." and as a childless person that sounds a bit like, "Ugh,  children are a burden and I miss being in my 20's" but I GET IT NOW! THAT'S NOT WHAT IT MEANS! It means, "Yeah, that fun thing would have been cool to do in the before time, but now I have this totally beautiful and amazing creature at home to play with, and I'm happy to put off that trip to Prague for now." 

Parenting Is The Good Kind of Hard Work

Being a mom is tiring, but at the end of the day you feel like you really did something.  Even having naps feels like you're doing something for the greater good (BECAUSE YOU TOTALLY ARE).

Sometimes Diapers Leak And You Don't Know Why

I think we finally determined that the problem was wee-wee positioning (ALWAYS MAKE SURE IT'S FACING DOWN BEFORE YOU CLOSE THE DIAPER) but for awhile there we were having some real issues.  Like, having to change his clothes once an hour kind of issues.  Good thing laundry is Phil's department...

I Now Understand Co-Sleeping

Phil and I were dead-set against it.  I used to think, "Having the baby in bed with us sounds dangerous" and "We want to have a private sleeping space as a couple" and now I think, "Having the baby in bed with us sounds like I might actually sleep tonight" and "Privacy Schmivacy, we're a family now".  

Watching Your Husband As A Father Is The Best

I knew Phil would be a great partner in parenting, and I have really enjoyed watching him bond with our son.  There's nothing like a delicious little ball of love to melt a man's heart.

Sleeping When The Baby Sleeps Is Harder Than It Sounds

Everyone tells you to sleep when the baby sleeps.  Seems simple enough.  But when junior goes down for his first real nap at 3pm, it's really hard to just stop, drop and hit the pillow when you just want to get those dishes done, and you just want to tidy the living room a bit, and you just want to do this and you just want to do that.  It is an art I have yet to master.

Sleep Deprivation Feels Different Than I Thought It Would

In the before time, not getting enough sleep meant I'd walk around like a zombie all day.  For some reason, this new kind of sleep deprivation is different.  I feel relatively alert most of the time BUT if ever I have to go out into the real world and answer questions about things that aren't baby-related, I realize how absolutely out of it I am.  I went into a shoe store without Remy the other day and said so many dumb things to the saleswoman that finally I blurted out, "I'm sorry, I just had a baby."  Baby brain is the best excuse. 

***

So, would you like to see some photos?  

Moments after birth.

With mommy at the hospital.

With the fabulous Dr. David Greenberg.

Already showing attitude at such a young age.

Family photo.

Smiles for Sophie la Girafe.

What Happened to Good Ol' Fashioned Intrusiveness?

I am 40 weeks and counting now, so I've almost reached the finish line of my first pregnancy.  Whew.  Soon life will finally go back to normal. 

I love making statements like that.  It gives people the opportunity to say things like, "Life will never be normal again!" and "Just you wait, you don't even know what you're getting into!" and "Hey, that's my chocolate cake, just 'cause you finished yours doesn't mean you can start eating off my plate, fatty!" 

Er, maybe that last one doesn't apply.

But, y'know?  For all the warnings I got about how much unsolicited advice I'd receive, and how many strangers would touch my belly without asking, and what inappropriately terrifying labour stories people would share with me during my pregnancy, I've really had very little of any of that.  And, frankly, I'm a little disappointed.  Here I was, all ready to be righteous and indignant and say things like, "Listen, Starbucks barista, don't you dare suggest that I should be getting a decaf instead!" and "How dare you invade my personal space by lightly patting my belly, little old lady on the streetcar!"

Only one stranger has touched my belly.  And he asked very politely first.  And a handful of people have asked me how far along I am.  More often than not I find that I am looking around, waiting for someone to ask me a question about my pregnancy.  I really want them to because I know all the answers! And it's so interesting to me right now!  And I hate to admit it, but I have been known to engage in reverse-intrusiveness by telling people they can touch my belly - sometimes, perhaps, people who didn't really want to touch my belly in the first place and then felt obliged to do so.  Ew, I'm that girl.

I guess everyone got the memo that it's not appropriate to ask a stranger about her pregnancy.  And, fair enough, a lot of women don't want to be asked.  I suppose that's all right.  But I do take comfort in something a friend told me recently: "The unwanted comments will be much more frequent when you have the baby, and everyone has a piece of parenting advice for you."  

So at least I have that.

Using the Power of Ignorance to Debunk Parenting Myths

I have now read every book ever written on pregnancy and parenting, which means that I know everything.  

Everything.

And until the baby comes and I discover I actually know nothing, I'm really enjoying being smug and having lots of ideas and opinions of how things will go in our first few months with Baby Sullivan.  I don't know how much time I have before the Big Day, so before I go into labour and completely lose my sense of humour for three to twelve weeks I thought I'd debunk some common myths about parenting. 

1. SLEEP IS A THING OF THE PAST

Um, I don't think so.  I need my eight hours, okay? My husband and I have it all figured out. He will get up with the baby, change the baby, gently rock the baby, bring the baby to me, nestle the baby next to me in bed where I will breast feed in my sleep (I believe this is called the "dream feed"?), after which my husband will burp the baby and return said baby to his/her bassinet until the next feeding.  I haven't actually discussed this with Phil yet, but I'm sure he'll enjoy the chance to bond with our child.

Also, I'm so thankful to all the people who have told me to get my sleep now.  I have taken this advice to heart and, in the interest of being well-prepared, each night I have slept an hour longer than I actually needed to, and have been storing up this extra sleep in Mason jars so if I do need emergency sleep at any time, I'll have some on hand.  My one concern is that I don't know if sleep freezes well, but I'm sure I can search online for a Yahoo Answers thread about that.

2. BREAST FEEDING IS HARD

Okay, I think I know what hard is, okay? Hard is getting the amount of spice in your Thai green curry just right; surviving a play rehearsal after overdoing the Cosmopolitans the night before; enduring a Facebook chat with that girl from grade school you wish you'd never friended, and from whom you forgot to hide your online status.  Breast feeding won't be hard. I know everyone I ever talk to and every article I ever read suggests that breast feeding takes time to get used to, and can be really frustrating and painful, but I'm pretty sure this is all just a big joke that moms and nurses and the internet like to play on expecting mothers, and it's not until you actually become a mom that they go, "We were just kidding! Ha! We totally tricked you. Oh man, the look on your face..." 

3. HAVING A BABY PUTS STRAIN ON A MARRIAGE

Um, not my marriage. With all the sleep I'll be getting, I'm going to be a model wife. I will shower, put on makeup and wear dresses every day, also finding the time to make my husband elaborate dinners and date squares.  This will make his extreme sleep deprivation worth it, and in his brief moments of consciousness he'll know he's the luckiest man in the world. 

4. LOSING THAT BABY WEIGHT IS TOUGH

Not when you start working out as soon as you get home from the hospital!  A lot of people will tell you that six weeks is a good period to wait before starting your postpartum exercise routine, but to me that just sounds like laziness.  As soon as I get home, I'm heading for the treadmill. Come to think of it, I wonder if the birthing centre has a gym?  They must. I'll have to look into that. It's going to feel great to lose those 12 lbs* I gained.

5. YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME

Yeah, right! It's so funny to me when people say this because it's like they're suggesting that going through the experience of childbirth, and suddenly being responsible for another person's life, and feeling joy and love like never before will somehow change who you are as a person and I just want to say, "Um, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to change!" I'm going to be so exactly the same as I was that when people run into me on the street they're going to remark upon it. "Look at you!" they'll say. "You seem completely unchanged, both physically and emotionally! Also, have you been getting lots of sleep because you sure seem like you've been getting lots of sleep!" and then we'll chat a little bit about the web series they're trying to get off the ground and I'll head home trying to remember if it's 2011 or 2012 because, really, who can tell the difference?

*May not be accurate.

Letter to My Future Pregnant Self

Dear Alison of the Future,

So, you've decided to get pregnant again. Or maybe like the first time around, it wasn't so much a decision as a pleasant surprise. Mazel tov!

I am currently enjoying my 32nd week of my first pregnancy, and I thought I'd write you a letter of advice to help you through the next 40 weeks or so, in case you've forgotten what pregnancy is like.  No need to thank me.  I'm really doing this more for me than for you. Enjoy.

1. BUY TUMS IMMEDIATELY

Don't have heartburn? You will. Keep them by your bedside; in your purse; stuffed in your bra. Eat them three at a time. Buy the special "Smoothies" version, because you deserve it! Which brings me to my next point...

2. YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING!

Don't forget to use the pregnancy card all the time. You can't drink, you feel fat, you have to do a 5 point turn to get out of bed in the morning, so for goodness sake take advantage where you can. "Would you like my seat, ma'am?" DAMN RIGHT YOU WOULD!

3. YOUR TEARS ARE VALID 

Having a meltdown in a Timothy's washroom because it's a hot day and you didn't wear a sundress, and those pants you wore instead caused you to overheat? This is TOTALLY VALID! You're really smart and not at all irrational!

4. ICE CREAM IS WHAT THE BABY NEEDS

You need to trust your body to tell you what it needs, which means when it tells you to finish that half a tub of French Vanilla ice cream in the freezer, the baby obviously really needs calcium, so stop being selfish and feed your poor, starving fetus already!

5. YOU WON'T BE IN A COMA THE WHOLE TIME

You're probably in your first trimester right now, and you probably want to sleep constantly and you feel bad because you also want to get lots of things done. THIS WILL BE OVER SOON. Around week 14 you'll go back to only needing 8 hours of sleep a night. You won't get this sleep because you'll have a toddler to take care of, but hey, don't blame me. You were the one who decided to have another kid.

6. YOU WILL BE WADDLING BY ABOUT WEEK 30

Try to enjoy walking like a normal person for the first 3/4 of your pregnancy, because after that you're going to be grunting and waddling like a 300 lb 105-year-old asthmathic. 

7. MAKE SURE YOUR HUSBAND IS THERE TO HELP YOU OUT OF THE BATHTUB

Oh man, do baths feel great. Warm baths soothe your sore muscles; cool baths make those humid days tolerable.  At some point, though, you're going to lie down and find out it's not so easy to get back up again. At the start of your third trimester, wait till Phil comes home from work before you get settled in.  Either that, or invest in one of these:

8. DON'T TRY TO DO FIVE THINGS IN A DAY

Try not to be ambitious. Getting to work, working all day and getting home from work = 3 things! That's a lot! On days where you have lots of energy, you may also try making dinner and doing dishes. Some days you may add working out in the morning and picking up groceries after work. Then, one day when you're feeling insane, you'll also get together with friends later on in the evening.  And for three days after that very busy day,  you will do nothing but lie in the bathtub and demand foot rubs from your husband.  That's okay, just be aware that you're going to lose three days.

9. REMEMBER TO DO AND EAT THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME

Awesome foods include fresh fruit, ice cream, cheese, gelato, smoothies and chocolate.  Awesome things to do include yoga, swimming, having bubble baths, and playing the pregnancy card to get out of things you don't feel like doing, such as helping put the dock in at the cottage on May 24 weekend, and getting up in the morning.

10. ASSUME YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL

Sure, the mirror may tell you otherwise, but pregnant women are supposed to be glowing and beautiful, so you probably are even if you can't see it with your eyes. Go ahead and assume you don't look as tired and sweaty as you think you do. Oh, and never take your new-found cleavage for granted.

That's all I've got for now.  I still have 8 weeks to go, so what the heck do I know? If I learn anything else before mid-August, I'll let you know.  I wish you many delicious 2am snacks of soda crackers and gingerale. All the best!

Love,

Alison of the Past

 

29 Weeks Pregnant and Slowly Counting

Okay. So my pregnancy has been pretty good so far.  Some light nausea in the first trimester, along with some major fatigue, followed by a second trimester burst of energy and glowiness, mixed with some heart burn, leg cramps and achy muscles, and now onto my final trimester, which is certain to feel longer than just 10 weeks. 

I can just tell.  

I was out shopping today and kept bumping into things.  I felt off-balance and tired, and whenever I caught sight of my reflection I thought, "That lady does NOT look happy." I went home and passed out for three hours.  Oh, what a delicious nap! Whenever I do this I try not to listen to that nagging voice in the back of my head that says, "Naps won't be an option when you're pregnant next time and have a toddler underfoot!" My inner voice can be a real pill.

The good news is, I went to the gym today. And I'm still sleeping relatively well, save for those times I just really need toast at 4am and those other times when I awake in agony because my leg has decided to seize. I'm also enjoying feeling and watching the baby move.  Slowly but surely we are gathering items for the nursery.  On Friday we had our new, plush rocker/recliner delivered. Nesting is good. 

I will try my best to enjoy these final weeks. I am in the home stretch, and it really has been a pretty good pregnancy.  But I do look forward to having my body to myself again.  And as much as these maternity pants seemed glorious at the beginning, I can understand how it will be lovely to get back into my regular clothes again.  And to drink red wine.  

Mmmm. Wine.

Does Facebook Make Me Lonely?

A friend just sent me a link to this article from the latest issue of The Atlantic magazine, entitled, "Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?"

I think about this a lot. I feel like I am a too-frequent user of Facebook and I wish I could quit, but I can't bring myself to do it. My reasons for staying: I have so many great photos and videos of my nieces and nephews on there, it's a great place to network, and I don't want to miss out on anything because I'm off the grid.

Also, without Facebook my husband and I likely never would have gotten together. It's amazing how far a poke can take you.

Did it just get weird in here? Anyway...

I will say that having Facebook makes me far less interested in stopping an acquaintance on the street to see what they've been up to. Nowadays, it's more than likely I already know more about their life than I care to, because they probably just posted a retro-looking photo of the vegan chili they ate last night, along with a banal description of their weekend, so unless this person is someone with whom I feel a  real bond, I might just walk by and avoid their gaze. Is that gross? Probably.

But as to being "lonelier", I don't think that I as a new mother this fall will feel nearly as disconnected as my mother's generation would have, in the house with a baby all day with no grown-up human interaction except via the phone and the odd get-together with a  friend or neighbour. I will know that if I post about a baby-related issue I'm having, eight friends (or maybe just "friends") will be ready with helpful advice within the hour.  I've felt loneliness and that's not it.

Perhaps it's just that we're confused by the word "friend" which Facebook uses to label the people whose profiles you can view. Depending on how far you've cast your social net, most of these people may not be your friends; these people might be that guy you shot that one commercial with or that woman you met at that party, whose names pre-Facebook you wouldn't have remembered, but now you'll never forget because you have constant access to intimate details of their lives.  In the before time, you'd likely never have seen these people again, and if you had you'd likely not have remembered where you knew them from. The fact that they sit there in your friends list, almost strangers to you, doesn't mean you're disconnected from your friends. It just means you probably don't have 845 friends, like Facebook suggests. Maybe you only have 14, and only 3 of them are really good friends. And that's okay. Facebook doesn't have to dictate how you define friendship.

100% of Canadian women prefer glossier hair.

I did the voiceover for this Loreal Healthy Look commercial. The first couple of times I read the word "glossier" I pronounced it "glossi-ay" as though it were a sexy French-sounding name brand, when really it was just the word, "glossier". The director kindly said to me, "Okay, that sounds great. Next time can you try just saying, 'glossier'?" and I burst out laughing at my mistake. It was one of those moments where I wonder about my brain.

Kick, kick, kick.

I had read in more than one pregnancy book that some women get nervous during that period of pregnancy in the early 2nd trimester when symptoms start disappearing, but the baby hasn't started kicking yet. It can start to feel like you're not pregnant when you lose the nausea and the fatigue, and all the proof you have left is that your pants don't fit. I knew that when this happened to me, I'd expect it and therefore wouldn't worry.

But I'm an almost-mom now, so of course I did worry. I felt weirdly normal for awhile there. Sure, my tummy was getting bigger - but was it really? Or was I just imagining it? And why wasn't I exhausted? And how could I know if everything was okay? I started feeling anxious. I wanted proof.

And just in time, at my 20th week, it became clear that those slight movements in my stomach that I'd chalked up to normal tummy rumblings were indeed Fetus Jutzivan making itself known. I wouldn't describe it as butterflies or popcorn popping, as people had to me, and in fact I wouldn't know how to describe it, but when it started happening enough, I knew what it was.

And it's really cool.

The books tell me the baby weighs 1 lb and is the size of "a small doll", which makes me laugh because that seems to indicate that "small doll" is a universal reference, like there are a finite number of doll sizes in the world. I have a Frida Kahlo doll that's about the size of my index finger, but I'm pretty sure that's not the kind of small they're talking about, especially since last week they were comparing the baby to a "small cantaloupe".

Anyway, my li'l one-pounder is big enough to be making my stomach stick out in such a way that one person so far has offered me a seat on the subway. Thank you, lady I don't know! That was very nice of you! That was one of those 25 degree days when I wore a tight t-shirt that left nothing to the imagination. Unfortunately, I haven't been offered a seat during rush hour since because I'm back in my winter coat which shows no definition. So much for my dreams of extra-special subway treatment for 9 whole months.

Pregnancy brings with it many side-effects: nausea, fatigue, achy muscles, forgetfulness, odd food cravings (lime sorbet! I must have lime sorbet!), and the list goes on. But there's one thing I wasn't expecting, and that is: "the inability to think or talk about anything but strollers and crib sets". I have seriously become the worst conversationalist. The other day I excitedly told a friend about a stroller I want that "folds like a dream" and she pretended to care, bless her. The thing is, I knew it wouldn't be that interesting to her, but I felt the need to share anyway. Because THAT'S ALL I THINK ABOUT THESE DAYS.

Baby baby baby. Kick kick kick. Looking forward to meeting you in August.

Music Video - "Good Enough"

Thanks to my producers, Kirk Best and Derek Esposito - the best directors/lighting crew/sound guys/beer drinkers a girl could ever find on Craigslist - I present to you a music video for my song, "Good Enough". Special thanks to Jordan Kanner and Nicole Stamp for acting so good.

Alison Jutzi - "Good Enough" from Kirk Best on Vimeo.

What I Have Learned About Marriage in 10 Months

The most important thing I've learned thus far is that sometimes when you're married and you're supposed to be the maid of honour in your dear friend Kristy's wedding in August of 2012, you find out that you're going to be giving birth to your first child right around that same time.

Despite our best efforts (well, I suppose they weren't our best, case in point being my growing tummy), life found a way. Jeff Goldblum was right!

I am 17 weeks along and feeling pretty good, if not a little tired. All the time. But I'm sure I'll feel like myself again when the baby is born and I have to feed it every two hours. Right? Totally like myself? Nothing will really change too much? It'll be like owning a houseplant? Ha! Like I'd ever own a houseplant. Those things are way too hard to take care of.

So that's what I've learned. Also, I love my marriage. I really do. This loving partnership thing truly is wonderful. And I'm happy to be welcoming someone new into our family.

The 2012 Academy Awards

Random thoughts from an Oscars broadcast of which I only saw segments.

• I love you, Billy Crystal. You're like a totally hilarious version of my mother's apple pie, if my mother's apple pie were slightly puffy from too much Botox.
• Angelina Jolie, we'll totally still like you if you gain 20 lbs. Please stop the insanity and eat five roast beef dinners immediately.
• Mr. Plummer, you are a class act. I'm sorry for all the people who keep telling you how much they enjoyed you in The Sound of Music.
  
• Kristen Wiig, I am so sad you didn't win for screenwriting. I desperately wanted to hear your acceptance speech.
  
• Angelina again: What was with the weird stance when you presented? Was this an inside joke that I didn't get?

Memories of a Hallmark Holiday.

I've always loved Valentine's Day.

When I was in primary school, my mom would bake heart-shaped sugar cookies and write the names of all my classmates on them in pink and red icing. They were always a hit. And every year I received a lot of Valentines. Perhaps because of the cookies?

Let's not delve too deeply into that.

Being a serial monogomist for much of my late teens and early 20's, I usually had someone to share the day with, and I just loved it. I loved getting a box of chocolates and a card and, well, that was really all I needed. Just a small token of affection. And the permission to eat a whole box of chocolates in the name of a Saint.

Some of my most memorable Valentine's Days, however, have been the ones on which I was single. I have never been one to ignore or scoff at the day; I've always wanted to take note of it in some way.

February 14th, 2002
I am rehearsing for my first ever professional play with Theatre & Company in Kitchener. I am in 1 of 3 acts, and have a total of about 11 lines, and I am damn happy to be there. I can't believe I'm getting paid to do what I love! On my way to rehearsal, I stop at a bakery and buy a box of decorated heart-shaped sugar cookies, much like the ones my mom used to make, and share them with my castmates. That year I feel like I am in love. With the theatre.

February 14th, 2004

I am still reeling from a break-up, but am determined to enjoy the day. I decide that I will take myself on a date, because I am a strong woman who doesn't need a man (or anyone!) to make me happy. I decide I'll take myself to a movie, and I decide that movie will be "Monster" with Charlize Theron. I decide that I will, by God, have popcorn and a pop because I DESERVE IT and I discover that balancing my popcorn and drink and purse and my coat, which I'd thrown over my shoulder, is a bit of a challenge but that's okay because I DON'T NEED ANYONE'S HELP! I watch the very good and very depressing movie, then buy a McCain Deep 'n' Delicious chocolate cake on the way home, eat half of it in my bed, and pass out with a sore stomach and many regrets.

February 14th, 2006
I am reeling from yet another break-up (I've had almost as many of these as I've had boyfriends!), and I am temping at an investment company where four men ask me to run and pick out Valentine's cards for their wives, which is so romantic I nearly tear up, thinking "I hope one day I have what they have". 4pm on Valentine's Day is, by the way, the WORST time to try and get a card. They've all been picked over by then, and you have to elbow your way to get your hands on even the very last few crappy, ugly ones that don't have matching envelopes. I buy the cards and treat myself to a chocolate bar because you have to eat chocolate on Valentine's Day, THAT'S THE RULE!

I have booked a massage appointment for myself after work; just because I don't have a boyfriend doesn't mean I shouldn't be pampered. I get a full hour of relaxation massage. And then I feel like I want to puke. All those toxins releasing into my system mixed with having only eaten a chocolate bar in the previous five hours leaves me barely able to walk home. I am supposed to go to a really fun party with friends, but have to cancel so I can recover alone in bed. A total bust.

February 14th, 2009
I am in Toronto on a day off from rehearsing a show in Peterborough, and I have one of my first dates (perhaps 3rd or 4th?) with a man named Philip. He makes me dinner and we sit at his dining table, and I present him with a scarf I have painstakingly knit for him and he pretends to like it. I find out later that he hates having warm things around his neck, so I subsequently steal the scarf back. Ours is a budding romance, and we enjoy the evening, wondering where things will go for us.

February 14th, 2012
I am now married to the scarf-hater and he asks me what I would like to do for Valentine's Day. I tell him I just want to spend the evening together, and that there should definitely be chocolate. He makes a lovely red thai curry and we eat it on the couch (we stopped eating at the dining table years ago). We each present the other with a thoughtful card and box of chocolates (the one he bought me was red and heart-shaped, which is really just the best), and we reflect on where we've been and where we're going. I feel lucky. And then I pass out on the couch by 9pm. Bliss.

Folk with Benefits at the Comedy Bar

I could give you details about my next gig, or I could just post all three posters my graphic designer husband (graphic husband?) made for the event. I can't decide which one I like best.

The Last Four Shows

Well, despite starting off the run having contracted the plague, I have really enjoyed doing The Last Five Years with Clearwater Theatre Company at the Tarragon extra-space, and our audiences seem to be enjoying the show as well. We've had lovely reviews from both Mooney on Theatre and NOW Magazine, and many a positive comment from many a friend and relative.

This production marks the first professional show in Clearwater's history, and I'm excited to follow the work of this company and its Artistic Director, Kate Stevenson. Expect good things, folks!